Bipolar

Sometimes I think I might be mildly bipolar. Sunday/Monday I was a huge mess over studio and life....the worst I've EVER been....but Tuesday and Today I was totally fine. I scared everyone and then scared them again by suddenly being okay again. I don't think I'm actually bipolar though...I just felt like there was no hope and no way out of my situation until I talked to a friend and realized that I just have to get through things and take it all one day at a time. Which isn't the first time I've heard it, but coming from this particular person it finally resonated with me.

Anyways, this is going to be a very difficult semester thanks to studio. I'm told that I need to not feel guilty over calling on my friends for support when I need them so I am going to try to not feel guilty about it. Even though I think I dump too much crap on some of my friends as it is.

Somehow my econ homework took me like five hours to do this week. WTF it's beginning Microeconomics!! I think my brain is wired for macro instead.........time to learn how to "think differently" even if I feel like I might be thinking stupider. Ah well I'd rather feel stupid than worthless.

And this is going up so that I remember it later....I stayed in Wurster for 21 hours Tues/Wed and was up for 30 hours before taking a 3 hour nap and then heading off to NSU's first gen. Needless to say I was so out of it at the meeting (apologies!!). I do not think that it justifies the terrible amounts of sleep that I lost, but my one model turned out to be very instructive and the professor didn't throw it into the FAIL PILE. He literally has a fail pile. Well, it's called the "Danger Zone" but we all know he means FAIL PILE. I had a productive failure.

I did not get the other two models done though. I do not consider this epic fail though because for once in a long time I really did try my best.....it's so disappointing to have pulled 2 all-nighters in the second week of studio though. I want to become one of those people who doesn't pull all-nighters!! So I guess I need to stop doing NSU, stop watching any tv or youtube or anything ever, steal someone's creative genius, become a morning person, not procastinate, and impose (and follow!) a bedtime. Basically, I have to stop being me...