feeling fatally idealistic

This morning in Arch 110AC section, a student posed a question in response to a reading assignment on Democracy and Race. He asked if we thought racism still exists in today's society. I nodded vigorously for a few seconds and then I had to stop, because I was absolutely floored. Nobody else seemed to agree with me. Only one person offered up an everyday example, and everyone else just kind of sat there, as if to say "well why even bother asking this question, because it clearly doesn't exist". And it's not like I was sitting in a class full of priveledged non-minorities, either.

Now maybe everyone was just half-asleep because it was a Monday morning class, but I was definitely met with a lot of blank stares. I wanted to say something to express the shock I was feeling over their lack of acknowledgment of modern racism, but I was so worked up over the whole thing that I couldn't even find the words to express myself in a respectful, appropriate-for-class manner.

On days like these it's hard for me to continue to believe in the feasible possibility of minority rights, of social and environmental equality, in the idea that poor people, for example, shouldn't have to be relegated to dilapidated neighborhoods. ESPECIALLY after something that happened at ncs yesterday, it's becoming clear that even at the best public university in the nation, racism and discrimination is deeply entrenched in our culture. And sometimes, I don't know if I have what it takes to surmount the institutional machines that enable it.

To top it all off, my Sanuks finally broke in the middle of class (I had to steal tape from a studio to put it back together) and last night I had a dream that my father was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

Life can really get me down sometimes.