Hating Helplessness

First off, I had an amazing birthday. More on that this weekend when I have time to talk about it.


Something I can't get off my mind is all the fires in San Diego & the LA area. One is in Castaic, not too far from my great grandfather's place, but luckily the winds are actually blowing AWAY from his place (and into, I think, Santa Clarita area....bad news).

I have a lot of friends in, from, or with family in San Diego and I'm worried and sad over all of them. Hearing news reports and seeing houses on fire is really heart breaking, and to know that my friends are in pain and in danger has rendered me powerless in all other aspects of my life.

I'm trying to take control of my academic life again (this week has been kind of a fuck-up week in school) because I DO have control over that...but in doing so it makes the feeling of helplessness that much worse. That's one thing I always struggle with from time to time in school: how is a PAPER helping people who need help right now? When my family is going through a crisis, they've always assured me that those papers are important, but I know that sometimes that's not true - they just don't want me to worry and they want me to succeed (plus they made a huge investment in this whole college thing).

So when I went to office hours yesterday and got berated for not having something done, I almost broke down crying due to my frustration with my GSI and the devastation that's happening. I never used to be one of those people who were so moved by natural disasters hundreds or thousands of miles away, but this time it's different...this time I'm different.