Academics

Putting the past four weeks back into perspective (sleepless nights that feel like weeks, papers, neglecting friendships, exams, bad food, and the aforementioned addiction will be put aside for now):

To graduate from CED with honors you need a 3.574 GPA.

Guess who has a 3.54?

I've basically got to get ALL A- grades this semester (and Jere's class p/np), B+ in studio, A in econ, A in arch 130/140. I don't really think it is going to happen, because I have been skating on such thin ice this month. I could fudge around with things and take some stuff p/np, but at the expense of my minor. I decided that a minor was more important than a "honors" distinction.

But really a 3.5 from Cal isn't a bad GPA. [Random: The guy running for state assembly in my district got a 2.5 ag AHC before transferring to Poly. That's not scary at all. He has a long history with the AFL-CIO and other organizing stuff though so I may or may not have voted for him anyways.]

And that Arch midterm that I thought I got a C on because I studied and studied and studied and none of it was on the midterm? Well...I guess sophomores are kind of stupid (no offense, friends), because they graded it REALLY easy. Can anyone say 99?

So, is it worth the rat race, lack of sleep, etc etc? Kind of. Work does pay off. But I am basically guaranteed no honors so I don't see the point in working to death, either. My mom said that getting a C in physics kind of screwed me over, but really it could have been a higher grade in ANY class. I don't think it did. I learned some very important lessons that semester, which isn't going to show up on my transcript, but made me more able to handle the challenges of life.

So yeah. Back to studying, paper-writing, grant proposal-ing, and web-ing...

Let's set some GOALS

I've been panicking this past week because I don't know if I like the direction my life is going in: I have two semesters of school left, one presidency, one relationship, and one degree to earn. So what do I want to throw my efforts into? I don't know 100% yet but I figure concrete goals are always a good place to start. Create and adjust, right? So here goes:

1. Graduate with a 3.6 GPA.
I haven't figured it out exactly but I think I have a 3.5 after my EAP grades come in, and I read that the average MCP student at Cal had a 3.6 as an undergrad. UCLA doesn't list their average, but Cal's ranked higher so I might as well aim high. I think that, if I plan my classes right and REALLY buckle down..I can do this. Sub-goal: qualify myself for MCP/MUP school, even if I don't plan on applying for like five years.
2. Make $450/month
Sadly, this used to be my rent. It's gone up a lot though. If I work 10 hours a week at $12/hour, I can do this...even if I only make $300/month, it is more than I have been making during school. And, I would like for this employment to be at a CBO in Japantown, or related to City Planning. Hmmm.
3. Finish moving in
It's been driving me crazy to be so disorganized! To retrieve from home: printer, dresser, tape measure, bolts for the couch.
4. Do laundry better.
As in, do it more often. I don't do it because the machines are shitty and expensive in my building, and I haven't got a drying rack. So: buy a drying rack. Maybe invest in a new iron.
5. Wear less make-up.
I don't mind having to wear it in the morning but I do mind the fact that I now think my bare face looks sad and tired all the time. A lifestyle change, rather than covering my face up, is what I am going for. Especially my eyes. All this stress...
6. Visit my great grandfather before thanksgiving.
He is sick.
7. Invest time in culture show.
Pretty self-explanitory.
8. Find Italian-speaking friends/opportunities.
I miss it like CRAZY. Unlike my chinese-, japanese-, and spanish-speaking friends....an Italian-speaking sub-culture doesn't really exist in this part of America.
9. Work on my relationships: communication.
It's something I am never good at but the benefits are worth the effort.




None of these are really in any order. I am actually surprised. The first goal is the only one that immediately stood out to me (hence it being first). I haven't been this serious about academics in a very long time. I started Cal with the goal of graduating with a 3.0!

Perfect Weekend

Today and yesterday, I did not have to wake up to an alarm. I didn't have to be in three places at once, or rush from one thing to the next. I did things in my own time and at my own pace.

It was utterly relaxing, and reminded me of freshman year when I lived in the dorms. Each weekend, the halls would be at their quietest during the mornings, and since nobody else was getting up, you could just take your time and be a little lazy for a while. Enjoy a cup of tea and those dreadful waffles, watch an episode of Arrested Development, or whatever.

I think that the change in pace of life is going to be one of the most beneficial things for me when I go to Italy. I don't want to leave my friends and family at all, but living in a society that isn't busybusybusy and work-obsessed will be nice.

Now, I must rush to get something made for a potluck by 5. sigh.

I have realized... [and a concert]

Although I have limits, I can do anything once I'm aware of what those limits are, because I can work around them. I didn't stay up on Friday to finish my paper because I'd hit my caffiene limit and went insane...but...I got up and finished the paper "on time". And then I stood for basically 8 hours and had an amazing time at Not So Silent Night...even though I thought I was gonna pass out before I got to San Francisco!

I've been thinking at all I've accomplished in this short semester and since I got to Cal...you don't notice it but day by day is how big things get done.
---
So, concert-o. 6 bands, 1 ticket. It was a pretty good deal!

Me being all EEEP!-y and excited

Maladroid - local band contest winner from Oak-town. I've heard of them before but never bothered to listen to them, and they were actually pretty good. It's always a good feeling to discover another sound that you like. They were all dressed up but not, which was cute. I shall have to find out when/where they are playing closer to home.

Paramore
They are apparently grammy-nominated but I don't really know why. They have one song "Pressure" that I liked way better studio-fied. I felt like the chick who was singing was catering to a certain image and I'm not really into it. Also, it attracted a bunch of 12-to-16 year old girls who bounce too much and/or think they are both badass and emo....which was really, really annoying to have to deal with all night.

Spoon
We sat upstairs for this one. I don't know most of the songs they played, but "The Way We Get By" was part of their set and I like that song a lot. I kind of just zoned out though, because they didn't really interact with the audience at all. Sitting upstairs was cool cause all the people on the floor look like tiny little amoeba cell things that are all floatin around in a very crowded dish!

Angels and Airwaves
This was the band that sold me on buying my ticket (it wasn't exactly cheap). I was lucky enough to be in the lobby during their radio interview, so they were like 1- feet away from me! I couldn't see very well though...stupid giant radio headphone things. As I watched their setup crew, I was like "wow these guys are way too into themselves" as they definitely had the most elaborate set-up thus far (flags...all they do is block someone's view...annoying!), and as they were introduced the DJ not only tried to push their album (which no one else did) but also informed us that Tom wants to change our lives. Having resided around way more activists than average per capita for the last year, I was like yeah, right.

But as they took the stage, I was super duper excited. Tom's vocals were not the best or were they very audible, but the rest of the music (ie guitar, bass, & drums) were not at all disappointing. I don't buy into all of their bullshit about a revolution (I like Jere's definition of a social movement better), but I do like the idea of coming together to feel the same way for a few moments.

All in all I wish they could have played longer, because their songs don't stand alone (with the exception of Everything's Magic) as well as when they are all together. It's the same reason why I always have to listen to the whole album, all the way through!

Jimmy Eat World

So the fans got pretty rowdy during AVA (lots of crowd surfers, drunkies, and the like) but it reached a new level for Jimmy Eat World. We got to stand closer than for AVA (that was my one disappointment - not being able to see well for AVA's set), but it meant more crowding, more pushing, and more violence. This was also the set where the creeper was present. Looking unlike everyone else (ie Asian and not emo) had its advantage for once, as the creeper dude did not find me interesting/attactive. He did, unfortunately, find my friends interesting..until they resorted to a bit of physical suggestions to get the hell away. There was also a crazy assed hippie girl trying to talk to us. She was a lot better than the 12-year olds or the dancery girls or the potsmoking idiots from the Maladroid and Paramore sets, at least.

Getting back to the show....Jimmy Eat World was great because they played all of their more established songs such as "Work", "Pain", "The Middle", "Hear You Me", and "Sweetness", as well as "Big Casino" from their newest album. They have great songs to sing and bounce to that connect w/everyone, so that they don't even need to address the audience much...you know they are putting their energy into the music. Pretty much the opposite of Spoon.

Modest Mouse

I like Modest Mouse. The funky instruments, the loud bombastic vibe, their country-ish image/roots are all appealing. But in person it gets to be TOO loud. Your head is just assaulted. Also, one of my friends almost passed out so we went to sit down, which quite frankly was good for me too because being up front with all that was too much. There was some old man (seriously like 60 years old) standing behind us, which I came to figure out was there to see one of the musicians from Modest Mouse (I didn't catch which one) who is apparently one of the best musicians for whatever he plays.

The grandpa dude took this picture. And my face is quite large. And white...

All and all, I had a fantastic time and it was a great way to end my semester. I mean...a week before I was on a plane to Southern California...hours before I was writing about affordable housing ordinances like my life depended on it. That's what I love about my life: as much as I love to sit around and watch tv, I am blessed with the ability, proximity, and resources to do 1001 things in a week.

Note that all videos really sucked....taking them while being jostled every which way sucks. Also, I really wanted the AVA tshirt but I thought I had no money in my checking account so I couldn't use the ATM. As it turns out a check hadn't been cashed so I was sitting on way more money. And, sad enough, I can't get the tshirt online...apparently it was one of those concert-only styles. SADFACES FOR LYFE.

YEAH VOICES!

Culture show was tonight and it was awesome. I messed up, but I still smiled.

I am dead tired and dreading turning in two papers at 9:30, but its all worth it. VOICES is a production that I am very, very proud to be able to put my name on.

So much has happened in the last week - hell, within the last day - but that's all I'll say for now.

flying high

NSU all cast was tonight - it's going to be an AMAZING show! FamPo just blew me away, I love love love Step Up, and Yosakoi made me wish I had the time for it again.

I am approaching hour 40 of no sleep (2 naps totaling less than 2 hours thrown into that) but I am very awake because I'm so pumped for the show! I was really stressing because I don't feel like I have mastered the JCREW dance but our choreographer (who i thought was hella mad) really liked the part of the costume that I actually did wear tonight. I didn't wear the rest of it because I didn't want to look too...I dunno. Like I was trying too hard. I did the socks thing mostly as a tribute to my father and my cousin, and they turned out to be a hit. Yays!

And then I also got an email and my section really liked my ethnography presentation board, so I guess the all-nighter was worth it ~ hopefully this means I get an A? or at least not a check minus?


So combine those three things and you have a very tired but pretty happy Katie =) I'm also really starving and I've got another project due in 8 hours sooooo I best be getting to sleep!

Panic Mode

There are 11 days of class left, a trip to SoCal, and Culture Show coming up, so I am in full-on panic mode.

Here's what is running through my mind right now:
-I procastinated on a project that is due at 9:30am because I really REALLY dislike both the prof and the GSI. I know that the only person this hurts is me, but I just had a ridiculously difficult time getting motivated after my main informant fell of the face of the planet.

-I'm tired of people that promise the world and can't deliver. Or rather, people that promise 10000 do-able things so that it turns out that NONE of them are do-able together. I learned my lesson in over-commitment last year and it was a tough thing to learn - I recieved my first (and hopefully last) D/NP as a result. I am not so patient about it anymore, especially with some people that I've watched make the same mistakes over and over again. Sometimes I just want to tell people to get their heads out of their asses...

-For some reason my CAD would let me copy and paste blocks, but once pasted, the block became un-selectable, making me unable to move, rotate, copy, change layer, or even delete! After a couple of save-as tries and lots of internet growling I finally got it to work again. I have no clue why it was doing that, as I had turned on and unlocked all the layers!

-Tomorrow is going to suck majorly (7am to 12pm "out-and-about") but at least I love everyone in CS!

-I think I should disable g-chat. 95% of my conversations on there just lead to more stress and most of my friends are on AIM...but not all of them =/

I should get back to work now. I am going to make a real effort to update this thing on my UCLA trip and Thanksgiving...hopefully by Thursday night. Oh look there I go doing exactly what I hate in other people - not keeping deadlines and knowing full well that I won't as soon as I set them!

UCB NSU Presents: ~VOICES~

PLEASE COME SUPPORT ME AND THE NIKKEI STUDENT UNION! What do you know about today's Japanese American youth? Its community? Go beyond the tiny blurb in your high school history text and discover today's diverse voices!

We've been working hard all semester to put on a great show for you. I'll be in a hip-hop piece entitled NOppresion!!!

Tickets can be bought from me, $5-10 sliding scale. Please contact me by Monday, Nov. 26th at 7pm so that I can reserve you a ticket!


Countless VOICES, one community.

Cold Feet

Every so often I get cold feet about Italy because there's a lot of things I'm missing out on at Cal, and this is one of them:

CP 290b/190a
Neighborhood Planning with Youth and Schools: The Y– PLAN

Course control #: 13571
Time: Monday 1:00 PM – 4:00 PM and 1 hour/week of teaching at high school site for 10 weeks
Location: Wurster Hall, Rm. 214b
Instructor: Deborah McKoy, PhD debmckoy@berkeley.edu, Wurster Rm. 324

The 2008 Y-PLAN Project: This course is an exciting opportunity to work with local Bay Area policy makers and educational leaders to connect the efforts of regional planners in West Contra Costa County with local high schools in Richmond. Local leaders, including Assemblywoman Loni Hancock, the West Contra Costa County Transportation Advisory Committee (WCCTAC), and city officials in El Cerrito and Richmond, have requested that Y-PLAN assist them in constructing a meaningful role for youth and public schools to transform San Pablo Avenue into a family-friendly, vibrant corridor.

Overview: The Y-PLAN (Youth – Plan, Learn, Act, Now) is an interdisciplinary course and an award winning initiative where students in urban planning, design, education, and other related disciplines learn how to engage youth as genuine stakeholders and participants in local planning projects. After an initial teaching preparation phase, UCB students work side-by-side with high school students for ten weeks teaching them fundamentals of community development by engaging in real world planning projects. Readings and seminar discussions focus on theoretical tools in participatory planning and teaching, complementing the practical application.

UCB students ("mentors") will gain proficiency in:

• Applying core planning principles of community and economic development and land use planning, while emphasizing the mobilization of community and the creation of an informed citizenry
• Mentoring youth in conducting physical, economic, and social analyses of their community
• Teaching and communicating ideas effectively

In this course, UCB students will mentor high school students to:

• Conduct community based research along the San Pablo Avenue Corridor
• Develop a community/regional plan for WCCTAC and local planning processes in El Cerrito and Richmond
• Present a final multimedia proposal to project clients detailing the youth findings and proposals

** No prior city planning experience necessary!**

Requirements:

• Participate in Monday seminar discussions, lesson planning, and project development
  • Work collaboratively in teams to prepare weekly activities by building/modifying existing curriculum
• Fieldwork for one hour/week at regularly scheduled times TBD, based on CP290B student schedules
• Participate in on-line journaling
• Final reflection paper (10 pages)

Questions? Email Ariel Bierbaum, Project Coordinator at arielb@berkeley.edu
http://citiesandschools.berkeley.edu

Semesters are LONG.

That is the basic problem with semesters. I'm doing really well in school (96% on my arch 120 midterm, the highest grade I've ever gotten) and I'm not in the C range for arch 110 (yet). My Italian instructor also commented today that my speaking skills are really good ("why don't you speak up more in class?") and that my analysis of La meglio gioventu` was great..but there is SO MUCH left in terms of school work for the semester =( I need a real breather and I'm not getting one until after December 5th...which seems far away but it'll be here in a flash.

I hope I can keep up...in the mean time I'm gonna attempt to not be lulled into a false sense of security haha.

So that means:
CP 110 Memo 3
Arch 110 Pt. 5
Italian paper (2+ pages)
Italian presentation (15+ minutes - got any suggestions?)
--> will get done in the midst of parties, rallies, meetings, SUPER FUN DAY and city planning tours.

This also means that I gotta take a step back from some things (so far it's been Team HBV and API ICON08.) I have a feeling that this may be resolved for me, because I'm getting left out of a lot of the dialogue in CMI circles (in virtually every external convo I'm not mentioned. Tis a bit frustrating). There's a lot of nitpicking and whatnot going on with that too. Maybe J was right...6 people is too many to coordinate. I think after the decision not to go to UC Regents as a big group in November (which I totally understand), I lost a lot of my direction because coordinating that trip was to be my main responsibility.

So for now, I'm going to concentrate on being a good APAC rep, publicizing for NCS 07 and learning hip hop. I can't do it all and even when I come close, it's not all its cracked up to be.

And for those of you tracking my Italy progress...I spent $28 to fax my housing application to Italy and UOEAP and sent off a bunch of other stuff....only one more form to send!!!!!!

Crazy different

That's all I can say about the University of Padova at the moment.

60,000 STUDENTS.
>.<

Plus, it's a biking city. "Your university residence should be no more than 20-25 minutes away by bike." Um, that sounds FAR compared to here. I effing hate riding my bike in Berkeley, so I hope it's more bike-friendly than here.

me = scared shitless
but hopefully not paralyzed.


---
random office quote:
"Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean is she hot?" - Andy
"She's crazy hot." - Crete

Midterms update

For those of you that care, I scored an A on my city planning midterm...still waiting to hear back on 120 (I'm thinking another A), and an 85 on Italian.

If I wasn't three days late on my arch 110 project, I'd be heading toward at least a 3.8 this semester...but alas the time I spend on outside commitments have gotten in the way.

I should really finish my prject, its due at 3!

feeling fatally idealistic

This morning in Arch 110AC section, a student posed a question in response to a reading assignment on Democracy and Race. He asked if we thought racism still exists in today's society. I nodded vigorously for a few seconds and then I had to stop, because I was absolutely floored. Nobody else seemed to agree with me. Only one person offered up an everyday example, and everyone else just kind of sat there, as if to say "well why even bother asking this question, because it clearly doesn't exist". And it's not like I was sitting in a class full of priveledged non-minorities, either.

Now maybe everyone was just half-asleep because it was a Monday morning class, but I was definitely met with a lot of blank stares. I wanted to say something to express the shock I was feeling over their lack of acknowledgment of modern racism, but I was so worked up over the whole thing that I couldn't even find the words to express myself in a respectful, appropriate-for-class manner.

On days like these it's hard for me to continue to believe in the feasible possibility of minority rights, of social and environmental equality, in the idea that poor people, for example, shouldn't have to be relegated to dilapidated neighborhoods. ESPECIALLY after something that happened at ncs yesterday, it's becoming clear that even at the best public university in the nation, racism and discrimination is deeply entrenched in our culture. And sometimes, I don't know if I have what it takes to surmount the institutional machines that enable it.

To top it all off, my Sanuks finally broke in the middle of class (I had to steal tape from a studio to put it back together) and last night I had a dream that my father was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

Life can really get me down sometimes.

Busy busy college time

I had two nights this week in which I slept for less than five hours, because I had 2 papers due, a project, hip-hop twice a week, campaign meetings, core, other meetings, and other life-issues. I'm also getting sick =(

Anyways. Today was pretty much the weekend since I only went to one hour of class, yay! I scrapbooked which was fun. Colleen made us dinner tonight and it was gooooood food. And also something my mom would have made. Soul food yaa!! Dinner and chilling with good friends was much needed....relaxing and I didn't have to rush off to something else.

And that's basically the whole point of this post, because it's good to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. *huggles* at all those who are like my (very loud) family and my warm and fuzzy blanket.

Un po' triste

I'm sort of bummed beceause I missed my opportunity to participate in my first ever rally/protest at Berkeley today. I did, however, wear green to show my support and solidarity for the Jena 6.

If you don't know who the Jena 6 are, google it or read about it here.

There was a rally and a march around campus and the surrounding area, but I had class from noon to 3:30 so I missed it. Ironically in Italian we discussed social issues such as the state of American public education, racism, and poverty. I really would have liked to have gone, to show my support for the 6 and for the black community as a whole! I've encountered what I considered to be blatant racism several times in my lifetime, but nothing as serious (and shocking) as this. It makes me sad to know that these things still happen in America and all over the world. Living in California, it's easier to forget about these kinds of things...

sigh.

Love will come through, it's just waiting for you

That's the song I've got on itunes right now. anyways, random things from today:

My restless cruise-ship waitressing bffl from high school called me today! I was so excited to hear her voice that I was totally walking down Telegraph with this HUGE grin on my face, you would have thought that I was insane if you knew me. We've decided to meet up in Venice this spring and eat lunch together in Italy.

My mother also called me today, I'm not sure why.

In the same vein, I called and talked to my father...to tell him how I bought $5.50 worth of the hippie organic coop produce (same thing would have cost $12 easily at Andronico's) and then proceeded to walk into GBC and buy fries and chicken strips, an illustration of the walking contradictions I live with on a daily basis.

Some random guy that I've never seen before passed me on the street today and to make a long story short it reminded me that the past is never in the past. It's not static, dead (and hopefully not forgotten). It's dynamic and it goes with me everywhere.

I had to read aloud for a hella long time in Italian today, and I don't think I screwed it up so badly. That was exciting for me...

I've been having massive headaches lately, and today is no exception. My energy levels have been exceptionally low as of late also =( I don't know why, either...my emotional energy is high and I'm really excited to be doing things with NSU, APAC, AIAS, Habitat and Reach....but I do know it's far to early in the term to be burning out on school, which scares me. I don't want to quit anything, because I know next semester I'm going to miss it SO MUCH...sometimes I think I still need my mom around to take care of me and tell me what to do. Sigh.

Everything's Magic

I had my reservations about much of the retreat that I went on this weekend. This is what wrote on Friday: I feel so lost in this scene. It's not that I'm old; but the energy and motivation and initiative does seem to be lacking. And for some reason, I don't have anything, no voice trying to get out, to add to it. There weren't many returning people and I was there on Friday thinking DAMN...all the OG's are gone. Everyone is so young, so quiet...well, not everyone. One of the facilitators is quite loud actually, and the yelling (Victorian mansions are not known for their acoustics, I don't think) was killing me. But mostly, I initially felt out of place, and not because I was shy or didn't know what to say or think or do like in January.

And I guess I thought that my relationships with my old friends are why I got involved in the first place. Luckily, it wasn't the ONLY reason and I've also come to like the game "mafia". Previously I thought it was long (which it is) and the idea of lying about stupid things (if you've pulled the mafia card), or accusing people of things with no real basis...they were not so appealing. And like wtf. It doesn't seem very Siciliano to me. Then, you know...I win. And it's fun. And pretty soon someone's reminding us that it's "just a game"! HAHA.

Aside from my thoughts on the architecture of the place we had our retreat in (Center for Third World Organization), here are a few thoughts:

• At one point, I felt like the pill orgs were dominating the dialogue. However, I don't really think they plan to take over or anything...I think it came down to the fact that there were just a lot of QUIET people. Later on it was revealed that everyone really does have something to contribute, and I was much relieved.
• I am easily annoyed by close-talkers.
  
• I wish I could be around for the API Issues Conference in the spring =(
• I really hope that APAC is able to contribute in the Count Me In! Campaign. I first heard about it at the JACL conference because the Pacific Citizen covered it...speaking of campaigns...I met someone who is pretty experienced in political inner workings, and both his breadth of knowledge and his ability to explain things in a clear manner really made politics and government seem....interesting. And dynamic, and like people could actually participate in it. So refreshing compared to my CP lectures.
• On a related note, conversation and talking about all these complicated issues is something that I don't do often enough. And it's what I want to see more of in coalition meetings. Education is, in many instances, the first step toward change =)
  
• Q&A led a workshop of sorts and the stories people shared were intimate and intense, and I cannot thank any of the speakers enough. Nobody talks about these issues with me, and I always feel like people are leading double lives by leaving that part of themselves out of the general discourse. One person spoke about things and I swear I could listen to him go on for days. I like storytellers, even when the stories are not so happy. I don't think he'll ever know quite how much he struck a chord within me, even though we are by and large two very different people.
• If nothing else, there were some specific people that I really, for lack of a better word, "connected" with. That's the beauty of this coalition...I'm meeting people I'd never otherwise meet, from places and perspectives I'd never otherwise even hear of...and isn't that what college is for?!?
  

I was a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn't able to attend INC or AAoB this weekend, but all in all the retreat I did go on was just what I needed. I can't wait to affect some positive changes! If only I was this excited over Arch 110AC work....sigh.

Can We Chill

This week has been really stressful, probably because I stress out too easily over things. Trying to chill the frick out, but school + clubs + doing things like laundry have been A LOT lately and all the stress has been making me more tired, it's been giving me aches and pains, not to mention the occasional panic attack. I am going to try and work on TRUST and BONDING with the officers in the org that's giving me the most stress though, because I need to feel like I'm working w/people that have my back. I realized this because that's what NSU is to me. I was kind of bummed about a few things going on in NSU (or rather things not going on) but tonight I realized all over again why I do it all, and why I'm probably going to be out till 11:30 at least one night a week for them.

LOVE.

And the support and awesomeness that goes along with it.

---
December 2nd, 2007
UCB NSU's 5th Annual Nikkei Culture Show

save the date! cause you'll be hearing a lot about it from now on.

competition

I've always known I didn't really like competition. In high school, I played sports I was really bad at and had no chance at dominating; and in school I lucked out and didn't really have to try too hard to compete with my classmates. Coming into Berkeley, I had low expectations - no A's, but hopefully no C's either. I have no clue what the average GPA is within my major, but I think it's pretty safe to say I'm pretty average.

There's something in me that always says I can be more though. That's how I find myself, time and time again, in leadership positions, even though I didn't set out to change the world. I could go into that, especially in terms of APAC, but suffice to say...I like to get involved in things. It's largely social - we all need to establish our base of friends and social contacts and establish our own communities in college and in life. And that's whats cool about a place like Berkeley - there's an organization for everything.

However, the nature of diversity and student organizations takes a nasty turn sometimes. There are three architecture organizations on campus, and they all have distinct goals. I'm involved in one of them, and I find myself questioning if I share those goals time and time again...mostly because of communication and because I have high expectations in terms of being organized. That being said, I still stand by the organization. I think one of the other orgs has honorable goals and intentions (and unfortunately they meet at the same time as REACH!), but the third one...I don't get it. I see their flyers posted on the wall right next to ours, in the same color scheme and everything. It's a clear attempt to draw comparisons between the two. Supposedly if I were to want to join, I wouldn't be allowed because I'm in this other organization.

This is really general because I don't want to get into specifics, but suffice to say...all three of these groups compete against each other and for members. All three claim to have at least some component based on friendship, fun, and a break from studio. Studio (and many aspects of the practice of architecture) is SO competitive. Why be competitive outside of studio and in our social lives too?

Gah. If these are who my colleagues and fellow professionals are going to be once I graduate, then I think I've picked the wrong profession. I've got confidence in my work and I can stand up for myself and give credit where it's due, and I know that I'm fully capable of finding a job and being GOOD at my job when I graduate. But as my father said my personality is like water, and I choose the path of least resistance that still gets me to my goal. The constant underhanded and petty competitions, the politicking, the animosity...it's not what I want.

Twice in SF in as many weeks

Yeah, definitely getting close to a record for me. When I'm in school I don't often go to San Francisco and I take BART to get there even less - up until this year, anyways. (I freakin miss Chris' red Honda...)

At any rate, I made a trip to Daly City tonight to catch a high school friend who was in from out of town. I kind of regret going, and it's not because I had to take Bart/AC Transit back by myself at night, though that did tick off a couple of other people I know. It's partly because I was left out of the loop on the whole decision-making process, meaning I ended up going MUCH later than I thought. Also, while on my way there I saw something that caught me off-guard and made my heart stop a little.

And to top it all off, the one person I wanted to talk to wasn't around when I finally did get home.

On the flip side, I finished my Arch 110 reading for the week. Now I only have like 12 summaries (wtf are we in high school again?), a couple hundred pages of reading for CP 110 and Arch 120, a paper proposal, a chapter of grammar exercises, and a bunch of Italian reading to do...