Everything's Magic

I had my reservations about much of the retreat that I went on this weekend. This is what wrote on Friday: I feel so lost in this scene. It's not that I'm old; but the energy and motivation and initiative does seem to be lacking. And for some reason, I don't have anything, no voice trying to get out, to add to it. There weren't many returning people and I was there on Friday thinking DAMN...all the OG's are gone. Everyone is so young, so quiet...well, not everyone. One of the facilitators is quite loud actually, and the yelling (Victorian mansions are not known for their acoustics, I don't think) was killing me. But mostly, I initially felt out of place, and not because I was shy or didn't know what to say or think or do like in January.

And I guess I thought that my relationships with my old friends are why I got involved in the first place. Luckily, it wasn't the ONLY reason and I've also come to like the game "mafia". Previously I thought it was long (which it is) and the idea of lying about stupid things (if you've pulled the mafia card), or accusing people of things with no real basis...they were not so appealing. And like wtf. It doesn't seem very Siciliano to me. Then, you know...I win. And it's fun. And pretty soon someone's reminding us that it's "just a game"! HAHA.

Aside from my thoughts on the architecture of the place we had our retreat in (Center for Third World Organization), here are a few thoughts:

• At one point, I felt like the pill orgs were dominating the dialogue. However, I don't really think they plan to take over or anything...I think it came down to the fact that there were just a lot of QUIET people. Later on it was revealed that everyone really does have something to contribute, and I was much relieved.
• I am easily annoyed by close-talkers.
  
• I wish I could be around for the API Issues Conference in the spring =(
• I really hope that APAC is able to contribute in the Count Me In! Campaign. I first heard about it at the JACL conference because the Pacific Citizen covered it...speaking of campaigns...I met someone who is pretty experienced in political inner workings, and both his breadth of knowledge and his ability to explain things in a clear manner really made politics and government seem....interesting. And dynamic, and like people could actually participate in it. So refreshing compared to my CP lectures.
• On a related note, conversation and talking about all these complicated issues is something that I don't do often enough. And it's what I want to see more of in coalition meetings. Education is, in many instances, the first step toward change =)
  
• Q&A led a workshop of sorts and the stories people shared were intimate and intense, and I cannot thank any of the speakers enough. Nobody talks about these issues with me, and I always feel like people are leading double lives by leaving that part of themselves out of the general discourse. One person spoke about things and I swear I could listen to him go on for days. I like storytellers, even when the stories are not so happy. I don't think he'll ever know quite how much he struck a chord within me, even though we are by and large two very different people.
• If nothing else, there were some specific people that I really, for lack of a better word, "connected" with. That's the beauty of this coalition...I'm meeting people I'd never otherwise meet, from places and perspectives I'd never otherwise even hear of...and isn't that what college is for?!?
  

I was a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn't able to attend INC or AAoB this weekend, but all in all the retreat I did go on was just what I needed. I can't wait to affect some positive changes! If only I was this excited over Arch 110AC work....sigh.