Last night I got the "just friends" talk.
It made me realize how much I have grown -- my semester in Italy, and my return to California, are probably the reasons for that. I learned that I am fully capable at being a successful individual, but also that I really want to be able to share all that with someone. The little things I see, like the way the sunlight hits the buildings at 5 on a fall day and the things that I laugh at but nobody else thinks are funny, the hopes I have for myself, the crazy ideas I have -- I want to be able to tell someone all of it and have them appreciate (perhaps even love) me for it. And I want to go on that great adventure that is a relationship, and learn all the millions of little things that make someone else tick. I want that person be the first one I call when something exciting happens and I want that person to be the one who helps me get through the tough times.
Now I fully believe that friends are there in the good times and the hard times I know I wouldn't have gotten through this semester without them. But there are some things that, for whatever reason, I am not going to share with my friends and that my friends are not going to do for me. I am realizing that I want -- and deserve -- something more.
Which brings me to the question of what the difference between friends and dating is, where that line is, and when do you decide to cross it? If you date a close friend, then what more are you getting besides sex? And then isn't your relationship based on the physical rather than the emotional? I think my roommate is right, it's a process and not something that suddenly happens. But then I think that certain things can happen that instantly change the dynamics of everything...
Maybe I am just delusional and there never will be that guy who surprises me with flowers in studio or takes me off on some day trip spontaneously or rushes to get to me when he finds out I am upset...maybe trying to find someone that adores me and vice versa is just too much to be looking for. But I really, really hope not.
About Me
- KT
- San Francisco, CA, United States
- I own a dozen or so pairs of running shoes...it's about time I started running! **The views expressed here are mine only, unless otherwise noted, and not those of my employer.
2 comments:
Hey Katie - found this from Facebook, hope that's ok. (It's Alex, your "long-lost" hapa cousin at NYU haha.) Anyway I don't have any answers, since this is obviously an issue without answers, but I will say that I had this happen to me too, and I feel a lot of the same wishes that you do about sharing things with someone and having that very particular type of relationship.
My philosophy on it is that it will just take time, and that the most important thing is to find that person by being yourself. :)
Oh hey Alex! How is it going in NYC...my old roomie is going to start at NYU for grad school this summer! Maybe one day I'll finally make it out to the east coast.
Anyways, thanks for the comment (nobody ever leaves comments here but I know some people do read my "insights"). I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who is looking for the same sort of thing...
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