Choice 1 of a Million

So I've decided that I am probably not going to date or otherwise get romtntically involved with Italian guys while I'm abroad. The advice I've gotten from people and my personal boundaries and beliefs tell me that it's not really what I want. Guys are way different than they are here, and the entire guy-girl dynamic is different. I'm going to have enough to get used to. On top of that, foreign girls like me are apparently supposed to be "easy", so all in all it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

I don't want to go on this trip with a closed mind or anything like that, but I think it's good to know what I will stand up for before I go. If I can pinpoint a few core values and beliefs then I am hoping that I can let myself experience everything else without regret.

Sigh. There seems to be a fine line between playing it safe/not being open to things and compromising yourself.

Moving Sucks, Part 1

I get to move twice within the span of one month - Berkeley to home, and home to Italy. Once I arrive in Italy, I will probably have to move twice. I do not like moving: anyone who knows me knows that I like to set up shop somewhere and leave it be for a good long while. Or at least a year, now that I've entered college. One of the reasons why I hate packing and moving is that it makes you re-evaluate your life - or, at least, all the material things in it.

Things I have learned today:

• 5 books are worth $7. I'm pretty sure that the paper they are printed on cost more than that. It also gives the illusion that education and learning in general is cheap. I don't even want to know how much they are going to sell those books for >_<>
• An empty, in contrast, book is worth $6. Does that make my thoughts worth negative money?
  
• My fashion sense is worth nothing. I tried to sell a bunch of my clothes at Buffalo Exchange and the chick rejected my stuff because it was too "springish". aka not uber warm. But this is California guys...we don't really have seasons. I'm also baffled as to how the clerk is allowed to be an authority on fashion, because she had one of the ugliest haircuts that I have seen in my lifeee. On the up side..all of my stuff did get donated, saving me a trip to the Goodwill store that's all the way over on University.
• Walgreens' 2.5" x 3.5" wallet prints are NOT that size. They are actually 2" x 3" (or 1/4 of a 4x6 print). And I had cut up my photos to put them in the frame before I measured them, so I can't do much about it now. Another $3 donated to Walgreens...
• I have a Jamba Card that seems to refill itself magically...yay! Or maybe I just forget I have it most of the time. Unfortunately...I don't think Jamba is in Italy.
• Avant-Card 30% off sales makes shopping there *affordable*! I also saw a book there that's been on my wishlist, but as I've spent way too much money this month I opted not to buy it...just like the Phantom Planet tshirt and EP this morning =(

Gah. All my interaction with society and supporting local commerce has put me in a really bad mood. I have too much crap and it's all worthless. But the worthless crap is the stuff I can bring with me, and the things that mean everything to me have to stay in California...sigh.

Family visits

My mom drove to Berkeley yesterday to help me with my move-out preparations because I won't have a lot of time between finals and moving out to clean everything up. She deep-cleaned my kitchen, finished the dishes, took out tons of garbage, helped me pack, and steam-cleaned my carpets! Cleaning isn't my thing, so I was VERY appreciative, especially since tomorow morning she's going to LA/OC for her aunt's funeral and everything at work is hectic for her right now.

I missed like five social events but didn't feel all that bad, considering the benefits my mother was giving me and the time we got to spend together. My mom will do anything for me and my sister, and I fail to see that and let her see that I see that far too often.

When I come back from Italy, I'm going to try to go home once every 4-5 weeks. No more being the well-loved but never-there child, missing all the birthdays, the family events, the homecomings, the dinners. I don't hate my family, just the way things are going in the town I grew up in, which is getting worse and worse every time I go back.

I guess I'm leaving my teenaged self-identity formation phase of my life.

lessons in love

I'm lucky enough to know a handful of people who make my heart smile every time I see/talk to them...
But I'm pretty sure that I don't have the same effect on them. And that's....that's that. I can't expect anything more.

I want to tell everyone I care about just how much they mean to me before I leave for Italy, because I know everything will be different when I come back. Just like it was different in December 05 and just like it's so drastically different in Nipomo, with everyone gone and moved away...and god forbid something were to happen to me or them...but something else is holding me back that I just can't pinpoint.

Basically, I will always be a fraidy-cat kind of girl. =/

WAMP WAMP!

I belong in Milano

A friend of mine is studying in Bologna and she took a trip to Milano recently. I have decided that that city is where, out of all of Italy, I truly belong...sigh. Think the EAP guys will switch me? HAHA

The streets of MILAN

The xmas lighting in MILAN

The beautiful architecture and people of MILANO

Perfect Weekend

Today and yesterday, I did not have to wake up to an alarm. I didn't have to be in three places at once, or rush from one thing to the next. I did things in my own time and at my own pace.

It was utterly relaxing, and reminded me of freshman year when I lived in the dorms. Each weekend, the halls would be at their quietest during the mornings, and since nobody else was getting up, you could just take your time and be a little lazy for a while. Enjoy a cup of tea and those dreadful waffles, watch an episode of Arrested Development, or whatever.

I think that the change in pace of life is going to be one of the most beneficial things for me when I go to Italy. I don't want to leave my friends and family at all, but living in a society that isn't busybusybusy and work-obsessed will be nice.

Now, I must rush to get something made for a potluck by 5. sigh.

I have realized... [and a concert]

Although I have limits, I can do anything once I'm aware of what those limits are, because I can work around them. I didn't stay up on Friday to finish my paper because I'd hit my caffiene limit and went insane...but...I got up and finished the paper "on time". And then I stood for basically 8 hours and had an amazing time at Not So Silent Night...even though I thought I was gonna pass out before I got to San Francisco!

I've been thinking at all I've accomplished in this short semester and since I got to Cal...you don't notice it but day by day is how big things get done.
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So, concert-o. 6 bands, 1 ticket. It was a pretty good deal!

Me being all EEEP!-y and excited

Maladroid - local band contest winner from Oak-town. I've heard of them before but never bothered to listen to them, and they were actually pretty good. It's always a good feeling to discover another sound that you like. They were all dressed up but not, which was cute. I shall have to find out when/where they are playing closer to home.

Paramore
They are apparently grammy-nominated but I don't really know why. They have one song "Pressure" that I liked way better studio-fied. I felt like the chick who was singing was catering to a certain image and I'm not really into it. Also, it attracted a bunch of 12-to-16 year old girls who bounce too much and/or think they are both badass and emo....which was really, really annoying to have to deal with all night.

Spoon
We sat upstairs for this one. I don't know most of the songs they played, but "The Way We Get By" was part of their set and I like that song a lot. I kind of just zoned out though, because they didn't really interact with the audience at all. Sitting upstairs was cool cause all the people on the floor look like tiny little amoeba cell things that are all floatin around in a very crowded dish!

Angels and Airwaves
This was the band that sold me on buying my ticket (it wasn't exactly cheap). I was lucky enough to be in the lobby during their radio interview, so they were like 1- feet away from me! I couldn't see very well though...stupid giant radio headphone things. As I watched their setup crew, I was like "wow these guys are way too into themselves" as they definitely had the most elaborate set-up thus far (flags...all they do is block someone's view...annoying!), and as they were introduced the DJ not only tried to push their album (which no one else did) but also informed us that Tom wants to change our lives. Having resided around way more activists than average per capita for the last year, I was like yeah, right.

But as they took the stage, I was super duper excited. Tom's vocals were not the best or were they very audible, but the rest of the music (ie guitar, bass, & drums) were not at all disappointing. I don't buy into all of their bullshit about a revolution (I like Jere's definition of a social movement better), but I do like the idea of coming together to feel the same way for a few moments.

All in all I wish they could have played longer, because their songs don't stand alone (with the exception of Everything's Magic) as well as when they are all together. It's the same reason why I always have to listen to the whole album, all the way through!

Jimmy Eat World

So the fans got pretty rowdy during AVA (lots of crowd surfers, drunkies, and the like) but it reached a new level for Jimmy Eat World. We got to stand closer than for AVA (that was my one disappointment - not being able to see well for AVA's set), but it meant more crowding, more pushing, and more violence. This was also the set where the creeper was present. Looking unlike everyone else (ie Asian and not emo) had its advantage for once, as the creeper dude did not find me interesting/attactive. He did, unfortunately, find my friends interesting..until they resorted to a bit of physical suggestions to get the hell away. There was also a crazy assed hippie girl trying to talk to us. She was a lot better than the 12-year olds or the dancery girls or the potsmoking idiots from the Maladroid and Paramore sets, at least.

Getting back to the show....Jimmy Eat World was great because they played all of their more established songs such as "Work", "Pain", "The Middle", "Hear You Me", and "Sweetness", as well as "Big Casino" from their newest album. They have great songs to sing and bounce to that connect w/everyone, so that they don't even need to address the audience much...you know they are putting their energy into the music. Pretty much the opposite of Spoon.

Modest Mouse

I like Modest Mouse. The funky instruments, the loud bombastic vibe, their country-ish image/roots are all appealing. But in person it gets to be TOO loud. Your head is just assaulted. Also, one of my friends almost passed out so we went to sit down, which quite frankly was good for me too because being up front with all that was too much. There was some old man (seriously like 60 years old) standing behind us, which I came to figure out was there to see one of the musicians from Modest Mouse (I didn't catch which one) who is apparently one of the best musicians for whatever he plays.

The grandpa dude took this picture. And my face is quite large. And white...

All and all, I had a fantastic time and it was a great way to end my semester. I mean...a week before I was on a plane to Southern California...hours before I was writing about affordable housing ordinances like my life depended on it. That's what I love about my life: as much as I love to sit around and watch tv, I am blessed with the ability, proximity, and resources to do 1001 things in a week.

Note that all videos really sucked....taking them while being jostled every which way sucks. Also, I really wanted the AVA tshirt but I thought I had no money in my checking account so I couldn't use the ATM. As it turns out a check hadn't been cashed so I was sitting on way more money. And, sad enough, I can't get the tshirt online...apparently it was one of those concert-only styles. SADFACES FOR LYFE.

YEAH VOICES!

Culture show was tonight and it was awesome. I messed up, but I still smiled.

I am dead tired and dreading turning in two papers at 9:30, but its all worth it. VOICES is a production that I am very, very proud to be able to put my name on.

So much has happened in the last week - hell, within the last day - but that's all I'll say for now.