Worlds Collide

Today we had a Padova reunion in Berkeley. It was great seeing everyone, catching up on our summers, and just chilling with the gang. We perfected the art of living life to the fullest (and unproductive) extent, to the point where it doesn't matter where in the world we are or what's going on...we will have an enjoyable time. Today was no different, and I found myself letting all my appointments just melt away....they could wait till another day.

Then, I saw some of my good Berkeley friends on the street. I waved, came out and said hello...and they were like "who are THEY?" And my other life came crashing in. I admit, we make a pretty random and unexpected family, us padovani, but I feel like those kids may know me better than anyone now. They are the only other people in the world that shared my experience in Italy with me. And while they don't know the side of me that is/was involved in the JA community, who carried her day planner everywhere with her, who cared about local politics, they do know the person who learned how to live. And, more importantly, they support and respect what I've chosen to do with my life in their own ways.

So when my Cal friends came along and reminded me of all the "productive" things I *should* be doing, didn't immediatly try to come in and introduce themselves to my Italy friends, and ran off for boba...the sharp contrast between my seemingly separate lives became SO clear to me. I've been so angry lately, and I couldn't figure out why. Well, I think I've figured out part of it: I've grown up and others haven't. And beyond that, I've grown up and been punished because others haven't. I already have a crazy strong personal value that everyone should pull their own weight, period, which doesn't help. But to have things not work out they way I wanted (the way I deserved) because SOMEONE ELSE wasn't mature enough...well, that's a hard truth to swallow. And I can't just make people get their priorities straight and grow up, but I don't know what I can do...so I get ANGRY.

And now it's becoming clear that I don't know everything either. I need to learn how to not just be a leader, but to inspire others to want to lead, to want to be responsible, to want to grow. Because that's the only thing I can think of to help them grow up.

[I throw around "grow up" a lot and I don't mean I'm all grown up. I'm scared shitless of the world that awaits when I graduate. But knowing that is there, and knowing how priviledged I am until then, makes me that much more aware of how less mature all of the youngsters I know really are.]