Missing

With each day that passes, I find that there is more that I miss: home, Italy, EAP friends, traveling, summer time, feeling the way I did, the old man who always had a rubber band in his pocket at Kiku Hana to fix our chopsticks up for us (random, i know). I'm reminded of the architect who gave a speech about his work last yar that did one of those giant heart pieces for charity (the public art installments) in San Francisco. He had basically punched as many giant holes as was possible into this heart without it actually physically falling apart.

But there is always more to look forward to, to appreciate, to enjoy: drinks with old friends, the prospect of new ones, NSU, culture show, school, ambitions, the next exquisite meal, festivals, beginnings, and they day when my body finally stops aching. It fills up the holes left behind by all the things that are missing, and I'm filled with the impulse to shove as many things into it to fill the space as possible. (actually...I know...my collective memory and my heart just expand, kind of like the internet, in a limitless fashion...but right now it doesn't feel that way).

I am trying, however, to simply live in the moment again. It's getting to be difficult with school starting though. How does one go about their day without spending too much time thinking (sometimes bitterly and sometimes nostalgically) about what's in the past or, on the other end, scheming and planning too much for the future? Maybe my past has me running too scared of the future, on counting on or planning for too much, but I can't help feeling like I waste too much time planning my tomorrows. Mayhaps if I was focused on my todays...I wouldnt' be up at 1:30am when I have to be on BART at 8:10.