bitter...like aperol?

This world is filled with far too many self-centered folks. A big part of me is jealous that people have that luxury though. I think I gave up on myself a while ago, decided that for whatever reason I was not that important and that I didn't have enough worth. To make up for it, I slowly started devoting my time to other people and to causes. I developed my own voice, I became a leader, and my confidence seemed to grow.

Then I went to Europe and learned how to take care of myself. Now, I am filling leadership positions once again and due to some setbacks I am not as confident as I once was. I am confident in my ability to lead people and I am sure of my ability to generally get by in life, but my self-worth is still not there. I'm happy to serve others...but I still long to be able to fulfil my selfish desires (it is a very twisted reality to treat school and studying like selfish tasks, but I do) and I have no confidence that anyone sees any worth in me. In my leadership abilities, yes. In my ability to take care of myself, yes. But the world has gone and proven time and time again that just plain ME is not wanted. Not worthwhile.

So all of those folks who put themselves, their midterms, and their getting-ahead-in-the-rat-race before everything else....they piss me off, because I am jealous and for once in my life I'd like for someone to center their self on me for a minute or two.

conclusion: me = attention whore!!!