Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Clear Air // Panic Attack Is Coming Soon
Today I went to Jtown to act like a young professional and cleared the air with my old employer. It proved once again that a) most mistakes are recoverable b) talking face to face rather than silence and avoiding and feeling guilty = always better.
Now I can breathe okay.
Guys, I am graduating and I have a JOB. How did that happen?! The insanity of how lucky I am is starting to hit me. I keep waiting for the "just kidding" phone call.
In other news, final requirements for my final review on May 11Cth were posted. Panic to happen soon:
1:20 model
1/4 scale model
DRAWINGS:
site plan
Floor Plans (4 since there are 4 floors)
Sections (3 minimum, I'll probably do 4)
Perspectives (2 interior, 1 exterior)
"vignettes" - 4 (basically more perspectives)
Diagrams (4)
Conceptual Cut drawing (elevation and section)
I don't know what m y conceptual cut is going to show.
I do not have an updated rhino model and what's worse is I really suck at rendering and perspectives.
I would be very happy if information could be easily gathered from just plans, sections, elevations and models -- I enjoy all of those -- but this isn't 11B, is it?
Days until I need to be done with drawings: 8.
PS I think I know what I want but I am too afraid to go after it. I need to start practicing the confidence that I try to inspire my friends to have...
Now I can breathe okay.
Guys, I am graduating and I have a JOB. How did that happen?! The insanity of how lucky I am is starting to hit me. I keep waiting for the "just kidding" phone call.
In other news, final requirements for my final review on May 11Cth were posted. Panic to happen soon:
1:20 model
1/4 scale model
DRAWINGS:
site plan
Floor Plans (4 since there are 4 floors)
Sections (3 minimum, I'll probably do 4)
Perspectives (2 interior, 1 exterior)
"vignettes" - 4 (basically more perspectives)
Diagrams (4)
Conceptual Cut drawing (elevation and section)
I don't know what m y conceptual cut is going to show.
I do not have an updated rhino model and what's worse is I really suck at rendering and perspectives.
I would be very happy if information could be easily gathered from just plans, sections, elevations and models -- I enjoy all of those -- but this isn't 11B, is it?
Days until I need to be done with drawings: 8.
PS I think I know what I want but I am too afraid to go after it. I need to start practicing the confidence that I try to inspire my friends to have...
Monday, April 27, 2009
Not Everyone Has To Save The World
Alex was right.
Just go out there and try to do something you love.
If you can't do that or don't know what that is...just keep trying.
I truly believe that eventually we all get it right (or right enough).
THis would be a much more nuanced post but I have shit due in 8 hours that I haven't started.
Just go out there and try to do something you love.
If you can't do that or don't know what that is...just keep trying.
I truly believe that eventually we all get it right (or right enough).
THis would be a much more nuanced post but I have shit due in 8 hours that I haven't started.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Lost?
There has been so much going on since spring break...every day is a new high and a new low it seems. I can only hope that I get through my classes with minimal damage...and I've got to stop having a social life, it seems. I'm almost done with my NSU duties and then i can hopefully breathe easier -- even though I will miss NSU a lot.
This is super vague cause there is just too much to sort out and too much that isn't clear yet...perhaps that is my problem. I may have grown up a little in college, but having a voice is still hard for me. I know that there are many ways to have a presence, but it's still difficult sometimes.
Well, here's to catching up...
This is super vague cause there is just too much to sort out and too much that isn't clear yet...perhaps that is my problem. I may have grown up a little in college, but having a voice is still hard for me. I know that there are many ways to have a presence, but it's still difficult sometimes.
Well, here's to catching up...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Why Am I Still Up?
It's 2:40am and I have to be at the rental car place by 7:30am. It wasn't until midnight that someone's comment made me realize that life has fallen apart on me this week.
Life has fallen apart so many times this semester, it doesn't even seem to phase me anymore.
All that keeps me going is knowing that I am 3 weeks to finishing studio, and (again) my amazing amazing friends. I feel badly knowing I'm continually having to ask them for favors and rely on them, but I am eternally grateful for them. There are a lot of things that are making it hard to be hopeful but I am really, really trying to remain positive. I don't have TIME to be frustrated at or disappointed with people and I need to learn that people aren't obligated to live up to the standards of excellence that I think they should.
Some more things on my to-do list:
A night with scones, tea, movies and blankets.
Re-visiting the spanish tapas bar that 'Risa and I went to in the Mission. I am CRAVING PAELLA!
Life has fallen apart so many times this semester, it doesn't even seem to phase me anymore.
All that keeps me going is knowing that I am 3 weeks to finishing studio, and (again) my amazing amazing friends. I feel badly knowing I'm continually having to ask them for favors and rely on them, but I am eternally grateful for them. There are a lot of things that are making it hard to be hopeful but I am really, really trying to remain positive. I don't have TIME to be frustrated at or disappointed with people and I need to learn that people aren't obligated to live up to the standards of excellence that I think they should.
Some more things on my to-do list:
A night with scones, tea, movies and blankets.
Re-visiting the spanish tapas bar that 'Risa and I went to in the Mission. I am CRAVING PAELLA!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Culture Shows vs Architecture Lectures
PCN was this afternoon -- and Toyo Ito was this evening.
I should have trusted my instincts and skipped the Ito lecture, even though my prof would have been disappointed. He'll be more disappointed that my work didn't get done.
Despite some of the shortcomings of the dramatic development in two of the theatrical pieces, PCN was a professional show that sought to bring up issues that aren't always talked about and showcase the many wonderful talents of its participants -- all while resisting the urge to say "this is what being Pilipino is all about". Because no one (or set of) stereotype does not define a community -- and who's to say PAA is the gatekeeper of PA culture?
Orchestra!
Singing!
Spoken Word!
Comedy!
Dance of various types!
Worth every minute of it.
I fell asleep in the architecture lecture.
I am entering crippling panic mode and don't know what to do -- we are ALL panicking. I forgot that easter is tomorrow so I need to bum modeling materials off of people.
I should have trusted my instincts and skipped the Ito lecture, even though my prof would have been disappointed. He'll be more disappointed that my work didn't get done.
Despite some of the shortcomings of the dramatic development in two of the theatrical pieces, PCN was a professional show that sought to bring up issues that aren't always talked about and showcase the many wonderful talents of its participants -- all while resisting the urge to say "this is what being Pilipino is all about". Because no one (or set of) stereotype does not define a community -- and who's to say PAA is the gatekeeper of PA culture?
Orchestra!
Singing!
Spoken Word!
Comedy!
Dance of various types!
Worth every minute of it.
I fell asleep in the architecture lecture.
I am entering crippling panic mode and don't know what to do -- we are ALL panicking. I forgot that easter is tomorrow so I need to bum modeling materials off of people.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Some More Random Short-Term Goals
1. PLAY DAY / PHOTO SHOOT IN SAN FRANCISCO. I might just make that the theme of the transitions retreat. All I know is I need to get inspired -- I went to SF yesterday for business and just the people on the BUS were more interesting than anything I've seen in Berkeley in the past few weeks. People in SF have STYLE.
2. ITALIAN FILM DAY. I haven't seen La Meglio Gioventu in a while. If you want to spend a day watching it with me and drinking tea, please let me know. It's a 6 hour movie, all in Italian, but it is a BEAUTIFUL story and every time I watch it I find something new about it. Plus, the men in it are HOT. I usually try to watch it without the subtitles, but if you don't speak Italian I'll gladly turn them on.
--
In other news....life's been super busy and I don't have time to write much (I've even blocked Facebook) -- but --
I got the job!!
It's with the japantown task force -- economic development, planning and preservation work, before you can ask. It's located in San Francisco so now I get to search for housing in SF!
2. ITALIAN FILM DAY. I haven't seen La Meglio Gioventu in a while. If you want to spend a day watching it with me and drinking tea, please let me know. It's a 6 hour movie, all in Italian, but it is a BEAUTIFUL story and every time I watch it I find something new about it. Plus, the men in it are HOT. I usually try to watch it without the subtitles, but if you don't speak Italian I'll gladly turn them on.
--
In other news....life's been super busy and I don't have time to write much (I've even blocked Facebook) -- but --
I got the job!!
It's with the japantown task force -- economic development, planning and preservation work, before you can ask. It's located in San Francisco so now I get to search for housing in SF!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
YES!
This week has been FULL of ups and downs. So many things are trying to get me down, sad, and further behind in school. I am committed to not falling behind though...until I hit about 4am that is, then I just seem to give up.
Anyways, let's focus on the positives:
Yesterday my friend Niki gave birth to Praxedis Escobar. It was a natural childbirth! For many reasons I truly admire Niki, even though I do not know her well. She is a talented artist, a vegan, and lives life on her own terms. She is going to be a great mother who gives Prax a beautiful life. Normally I am not all that baby-centric, but when I heard about her giving birth last night, I couldn't stop smiling and getting excited. At a time when I am watching my great grandfather leave this world, Prax's entrance into it served as a powerful reminder of the dualities of life and death, and the "everyday miracle" that we create when children are born.
I was able to get a lot of my anxieties/fears/frustrations out thanks to my friend Annies. I truly appreciate her lending me an ear, especially now that things are not going so great for her.
I have two appointments that I am very much looking forward to this week. One of them is actually not that important but the other one is a SECOND INTERVIEW for a real paying JOB!!!! I totally didn't think that I was still being considered for the position...so I was surprised to get a phone call asking me to come into their office and see what's going on and get all my questions answered. I am trying not to get too excited, but I can't help it. Jobs seem to be really hard to come by in this area, and this one definitely matches my professional interests. It is located in San Francisco's Japantown, which is a double-edged sword since I haven't done my best to impress people there in the past. But it is nice to think that after getting to know the community and devoting a lot of time and energy there, the community is now, in its own way, helping me out when I need it and extending yet another opportunity to me.
It's crazy how much shit can be thrown at you while at the same time so much good is happening too! Let it never be said that April is a boring month!!!
Anyways, let's focus on the positives:
Yesterday my friend Niki gave birth to Praxedis Escobar. It was a natural childbirth! For many reasons I truly admire Niki, even though I do not know her well. She is a talented artist, a vegan, and lives life on her own terms. She is going to be a great mother who gives Prax a beautiful life. Normally I am not all that baby-centric, but when I heard about her giving birth last night, I couldn't stop smiling and getting excited. At a time when I am watching my great grandfather leave this world, Prax's entrance into it served as a powerful reminder of the dualities of life and death, and the "everyday miracle" that we create when children are born.
I was able to get a lot of my anxieties/fears/frustrations out thanks to my friend Annies. I truly appreciate her lending me an ear, especially now that things are not going so great for her.
I have two appointments that I am very much looking forward to this week. One of them is actually not that important but the other one is a SECOND INTERVIEW for a real paying JOB!!!! I totally didn't think that I was still being considered for the position...so I was surprised to get a phone call asking me to come into their office and see what's going on and get all my questions answered. I am trying not to get too excited, but I can't help it. Jobs seem to be really hard to come by in this area, and this one definitely matches my professional interests. It is located in San Francisco's Japantown, which is a double-edged sword since I haven't done my best to impress people there in the past. But it is nice to think that after getting to know the community and devoting a lot of time and energy there, the community is now, in its own way, helping me out when I need it and extending yet another opportunity to me.
It's crazy how much shit can be thrown at you while at the same time so much good is happening too! Let it never be said that April is a boring month!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Sky Is Crying
I had no clue it was going to rain today.
I did have a clue about how my great grandfather has been doing but I just found out that right now he is en route from the hospital to his home. In an ambulance. I can't help but wonder if the next time he leaves his home, it will be in something that doesn't have sirens and lights...which is what makes the other things I did today bittersweet: I bought my graduation announcements, my cap and gown, and my honors cords.
Like many students, my collegiate accomplishments were aided greatly by the love and support of my family, and I always thought my g-grandpa would be there when I graduated. (more about what I hoped he would see out of me to come at a later time -- I don't want to start crying in studio.) Graduation is a time of excitement and celebration, but there are a lot of unhappy things going on at the same time...so at 11:30 I was feeling accomplished and excited and I really wanted to share that with someone, but couldn't because everyone is in class...and when I called my mom...it vanished. Now everyone wants to know why I look like a truck hit me.
I'm struggling to find the motivation to do any school work right now, and I already fucked that part of my life up enough in the past week...I want a hug from my mom and some tea and a blanket.
Shit, I haven't even begun to sort through the other possible mess/possible yay that's in my life.
I did have a clue about how my great grandfather has been doing but I just found out that right now he is en route from the hospital to his home. In an ambulance. I can't help but wonder if the next time he leaves his home, it will be in something that doesn't have sirens and lights...which is what makes the other things I did today bittersweet: I bought my graduation announcements, my cap and gown, and my honors cords.
Like many students, my collegiate accomplishments were aided greatly by the love and support of my family, and I always thought my g-grandpa would be there when I graduated. (more about what I hoped he would see out of me to come at a later time -- I don't want to start crying in studio.) Graduation is a time of excitement and celebration, but there are a lot of unhappy things going on at the same time...so at 11:30 I was feeling accomplished and excited and I really wanted to share that with someone, but couldn't because everyone is in class...and when I called my mom...it vanished. Now everyone wants to know why I look like a truck hit me.
I'm struggling to find the motivation to do any school work right now, and I already fucked that part of my life up enough in the past week...I want a hug from my mom and some tea and a blanket.
Shit, I haven't even begun to sort through the other possible mess/possible yay that's in my life.
When did that happen?
I read my posts for the last year and came to some interesting conclusions.
1. I don't write this for an audience or have any photos on here. Is that bad? I don't know.
2. Last semester seemed so great and easy (in my memory) but re-reading I realize that it was difficult for some vast and nebulous reasons. I totally went MIA over break and now I know why -- the pattern, the hopelessness, and the burnout are easy to spot in the fall posts.
3. Any style that I once had has disappeared this semester. ALl my posts from studio are just boring recounts of the drudgery I'm going through. I think I literally turned off parts of my brain when I shut out all the miscellaneous things that weren't studio related. I don't write poetry anymore and I don't have my witty sarcasm. Maybe I really should start "don't build this" and work on that last part. All I know is I am capable of writing some pretty "good" things and none of them happened in 2009. I would like to think that 2009 in general isn't just a shitty year though.
4. I am back on an irregular body rhythm. Sleep at 5 wake at 2pm. It's just like Italy last year! Except, I won't have the same wake-up call that throws me back onto normal civilized time again. Maybe I will just have to make it happen. Sound cryptic? You have no idea.
Which leads me to mentioning that maybe the reason why I haven't posted anything decent this year is because I am keeping too much inside. For instance....stuff that happened on Friday and Saturday are weighing heavily on my mind: what do I do? Do I start something or wait for everything else to start for me? And who can I go to for advice??? It's killing me not being able to really dissect this with others, but I can't decide if I should tell anyone or not. The keepers of my secrets don't seem so trustworthy any more. I think I know what I want but I am struggling to pass my courses so I don't know if I have time for anything else. It's times like these that I wish I wasn't so distant from my sister or closed-off from my mother on these topics.
Crap, I only know one way to deal with things that I can't stop thinking about and it involves talking it over. There are no sympathetic ears at 3am though.
1. I don't write this for an audience or have any photos on here. Is that bad? I don't know.
2. Last semester seemed so great and easy (in my memory) but re-reading I realize that it was difficult for some vast and nebulous reasons. I totally went MIA over break and now I know why -- the pattern, the hopelessness, and the burnout are easy to spot in the fall posts.
3. Any style that I once had has disappeared this semester. ALl my posts from studio are just boring recounts of the drudgery I'm going through. I think I literally turned off parts of my brain when I shut out all the miscellaneous things that weren't studio related. I don't write poetry anymore and I don't have my witty sarcasm. Maybe I really should start "don't build this" and work on that last part. All I know is I am capable of writing some pretty "good" things and none of them happened in 2009. I would like to think that 2009 in general isn't just a shitty year though.
4. I am back on an irregular body rhythm. Sleep at 5 wake at 2pm. It's just like Italy last year! Except, I won't have the same wake-up call that throws me back onto normal civilized time again. Maybe I will just have to make it happen. Sound cryptic? You have no idea.
Which leads me to mentioning that maybe the reason why I haven't posted anything decent this year is because I am keeping too much inside. For instance....stuff that happened on Friday and Saturday are weighing heavily on my mind: what do I do? Do I start something or wait for everything else to start for me? And who can I go to for advice??? It's killing me not being able to really dissect this with others, but I can't decide if I should tell anyone or not. The keepers of my secrets don't seem so trustworthy any more. I think I know what I want but I am struggling to pass my courses so I don't know if I have time for anything else. It's times like these that I wish I wasn't so distant from my sister or closed-off from my mother on these topics.
Crap, I only know one way to deal with things that I can't stop thinking about and it involves talking it over. There are no sympathetic ears at 3am though.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Daydreaming
Part of me wishes I could go back to just being obsessed with How I Met Your Mother. It's a lot easier to be addicted to a world that's laid out for you, always there when you need a laugh or a break. Real life is not that way and the things on my mind are severely distracting me from getting my work done. Normally I would just DO SOMETHING about it but school NEEDS to come first.
I think I need to read THE PROCASTINATOR'S HANDBOOK by Rita Emmit again. Except, Rita doesn't have any advice for all the things that are on my mind.
On a much sadder note, I am not sure how much longer my great-grandfather is going to last in this world. He's in the hospital again; my mom is there with him. I haven't seen him since Christmas.
I think I need to read THE PROCASTINATOR'S HANDBOOK by Rita Emmit again. Except, Rita doesn't have any advice for all the things that are on my mind.
On a much sadder note, I am not sure how much longer my great-grandfather is going to last in this world. He's in the hospital again; my mom is there with him. I haven't seen him since Christmas.
Random thoughts...
I keep saying I should start a blog called DON'T BUILD THIS and talk about all the random truths and isms we learn at 4am in studio. It'll be really great!
From the outside looking in, do I seem "artsy" on the basis of my major? My self-image doesn't quite line up with that, but then I look around my room and I think maybe I am, but in a superficial way. Case in point: I love taking photos but know nothing about technical photography stuff. It's always been on my "to do when I have time/money" list. More importantly...do I like being associated with all the connotations of an arch major? It's a little late to wonder this, I guess.
I went to the CSA culture show tonight. It's not big and flashy like PCN/VSA but it gave me a lot to think about, and I'm glad that they went to all the effort to have the show. CSA has a tough job -- what does it mean to be "Chinese American"? I couldn't tell you the answer but I imagine that it's pretty difficult to figure out and then present in one show, because China has so many sub-cultures, ethnicities, dialects, etc. There are some generalizations in terms of immigration patterns, but even so...much more than Japanese Americans or Vietnamese Americans, I can't imagine how you'd be able to quintessential-ize the Chinese American experience. But rather than say that Chinese/Chinese Americans are TOO different or are TOO similar, the members of CSA decided to tell a story that was representative of what they saw fit to tell. Rather than fit into all of the stereotypes of the med/law school-focused students, these folks put in the hours and effort to do this showcase, which speaks volumes to the types of diversity and tensions that exist within Chinese American culture.
I laughed when the main character was super cheap with his girlfriend, because I've had friends that were the same way, and I never could really totally understand it.
I wish studio was freakin done -- this time because well, dammit, it's April and that means culture show season and I want to see them all and have dinner with everyone I know all the time and hang out and savor every last moment as a student. Instead I either need to get way more organized (ie drag myself out of bed, stop watching hulu, etc) or become a complete social recluse.
I thought rendering was gonna be cool but it's not. It takes fucking forever and I'm scared it's going to crash my computer....
From the outside looking in, do I seem "artsy" on the basis of my major? My self-image doesn't quite line up with that, but then I look around my room and I think maybe I am, but in a superficial way. Case in point: I love taking photos but know nothing about technical photography stuff. It's always been on my "to do when I have time/money" list. More importantly...do I like being associated with all the connotations of an arch major? It's a little late to wonder this, I guess.
I went to the CSA culture show tonight. It's not big and flashy like PCN/VSA but it gave me a lot to think about, and I'm glad that they went to all the effort to have the show. CSA has a tough job -- what does it mean to be "Chinese American"? I couldn't tell you the answer but I imagine that it's pretty difficult to figure out and then present in one show, because China has so many sub-cultures, ethnicities, dialects, etc. There are some generalizations in terms of immigration patterns, but even so...much more than Japanese Americans or Vietnamese Americans, I can't imagine how you'd be able to quintessential-ize the Chinese American experience. But rather than say that Chinese/Chinese Americans are TOO different or are TOO similar, the members of CSA decided to tell a story that was representative of what they saw fit to tell. Rather than fit into all of the stereotypes of the med/law school-focused students, these folks put in the hours and effort to do this showcase, which speaks volumes to the types of diversity and tensions that exist within Chinese American culture.
I laughed when the main character was super cheap with his girlfriend, because I've had friends that were the same way, and I never could really totally understand it.
I wish studio was freakin done -- this time because well, dammit, it's April and that means culture show season and I want to see them all and have dinner with everyone I know all the time and hang out and savor every last moment as a student. Instead I either need to get way more organized (ie drag myself out of bed, stop watching hulu, etc) or become a complete social recluse.
I thought rendering was gonna be cool but it's not. It takes fucking forever and I'm scared it's going to crash my computer....
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Travel Bug
My desires to travel and see new things has grown in intensity again! I am seriously considering going on a trip somehwere right after graduation (or right after my lease runs out) and putting it all on my credit card and paying it off.....later. I mean I have no money but I am also pretty unattached so it's the perfect time to travel. I think it will, among other things, help me do some soul searching to figure out what I want to do -- because right now I think I want to go into something that's pretty non-traditional (as in, no arch firm, etc -- some sort of a startup instead).
I have been reading all these stories of people in massive debt over things like clothes and shit and so every time I go to buy something I ask myself "would I think it was worth it if I couldn't pay my bills because i bought this?". Usually, it seems frivolous, although Barney Stinson may say otherwise. The only thing I will spend money on w/o thinking is food right now. But a trip...that might be worth it?
Tops of my list:
NYC
Japan
Peru
Brazil
London
Spain
Hong Kong
Mumbai
Paris
So please weigh in: frivolous or worth it?
I have been reading all these stories of people in massive debt over things like clothes and shit and so every time I go to buy something I ask myself "would I think it was worth it if I couldn't pay my bills because i bought this?". Usually, it seems frivolous, although Barney Stinson may say otherwise. The only thing I will spend money on w/o thinking is food right now. But a trip...that might be worth it?
Tops of my list:
NYC
Japan
Peru
Brazil
London
Spain
Hong Kong
Mumbai
Paris
So please weigh in: frivolous or worth it?
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