Even Heroes Know When To Be Scared

Note to self...don't listen to defeatist music when you have the biggest presentation of your life (thus far) in a couple of hours. This isn't anything compared to say...moving to a different continent and not knowing a soul on that whole damned piece of land. But it's still the biggest presentation of my life. I'm asking for $1200. I've never asked ANYONE for that much money at once. And I'm not just asking for it for me, but for the 50+ people involved in and 600+ people attending Culture Show 2008. This money is crucial to our being able to put on CS while staying financially sustainable. 

In my arch history readings, there's a lot about golden ages and the rise and fall of certain social groups and civilizations. And every once in a while I get scared, like what if NSU already had its little golden age and I'm just a holdover from that time, old, about to become a fossil. What if NSU can no longer run due to finances and a lack of commitment? I think it scares me so much because it echoes, on so many levels, the predicament of the Japanese American community at large. It will only exist as long as people care enough to support it (financially and otherwise). I've never believed that the community is going to die off or disband within the next 10 years. Never. But in the life cycle of a student organization....10 years is a longgg time. I'd like to see NSU make it to its 10th anniversary, which is in 4 years. I want to see Culture Show in big Zellerbach and with a reputation like UCLA's...not because I think we need to compete with other groups for the sake of being bigger and better...but because the Japanese American community on this campus deserves to have a voice that is just as expressive and powerful as any other Student Org, be it here or on another campus. And when you think of it like that....it's pretty big.

Let's not get too carried away here though. It's a five minute presentation...and one of many that Senate FiComm will be hearing tonight. Five minutes. It takes me twice as long to walk to senate as it does to present.

Why am I having a very difficult time breathing then?

EDIT:

The verdict? $900. But it didn't come easily.

List Serves Make Me Cry

I think the title pretty much sums it up.

v________v

MANIFESTO

this year's theme for the monologues of (r)evolutions is MANIFESTO.

So frakin sweet!

I haven't come up with a well-worded manifesto on identity and community but i've got a couple of mantras for this semester. In general....

things aren't easy but every obstacle or bump that i come up is something that I'm choosing to see as a CHALLENGE....and I'm not backing down from one any time soon.

In other news, I may eventually get my paper proposal for architectural history done tonight (well..its due tomorrow...so i better!). I wish I had the time to just sit down and read about all this history - south/central spain from 700-1400 = pretty damned interesting. too bad i need to be writing about, like, a building.

wtf mate

ARGHHHH.

I have hard time feeling sympathetic toward people who, knowing well in advance that they have lots of things to do the day before a midterm, have nonetheless not started studying. Actually, I have plenty of symapthy toward those people - I am often one of those people. But I don't have much sympathy when people back out of things that have been on their schedule for quite some time due to the aforementioned midterms. I understand that life is busy and things come up. But when things are habitually and consistently pushed off, I question that person's commitment...

Procastination is always something I do too often, but I really am trying my best to win that battle this semester. So far I'm doing alright.

I'm also really annoyed because I just called to confirm someone (that I had to move a whole bunch of things around to accomodate) and it turns out he is out of the office this whole week.

Plus, this whole Moorish architecture of southern spain thing is getting really tricky. I have no clue what I will be writing my term paper about. "This is gorgeous, and the respect that new regimes showed for old regimes is very unique, and I don't understand all of this but it is GORGEOUS" isn't a really good thesis.

Goal for the next two weeks: keep the NSU focus and energy high, but also create an environment that is focused on academics.

Lovin' It

I really am loving this NSU thing! I know I recently bitched about basically feeling un-appreciated but I really do like this.

It's amazing to watch these folks that don't really know what is going on....helping them out and watching them figure things out...watching them grow into their roles...watching them make a difference, fulfilling their potential, and growing into independent, intelligent leaders....yeah it's pretty damn cool.

We've barely begun to cover what I know we can, but I am excited and inspired by the progress that we've already made. It's what keeps me going when I just want to forget about it all and go back to my textbooks...what keeps me positive and upbeat...and what keeps me a little relentless and sometimes critical of folks. I just hope that people realize I'm critical about things because I care about them the most.

As you can tell I haven't done a good job articulating what I'm feeling but obviously its a good thing.