Sunday, September 9, 2007

Anxiously Energized

A-P-A-C! APAC!

....we've got you're back!
The first APAC meeting of this semester was fun and I'm excited for next week's summit. It was an odd feeling to once again realize that some of the great leaders in APAC and NSU are gone though...Mississippi, Japan, and one on a boat...sigh. Even just people from my year that have different commitments - I miss them. I'm going to the summit with someone else from NSU, but for the first time I'm going to be the "veteran" and I need to be knowledgeable about my org - people will be looking to me for once. Knowing this, I don't know if I'll be able to relax and just be sociable as I want to, especially since I have a large portion of my ethnography project due the day after I get back.

This week is going to be hellish, something tells me I'm not going to sleep much tonight, Wednesday night, and especially not on Thursday night...sadfaces (like my burnt cookies) indeed.

(I made cookies today and I accidentally burnt them and set off my smoke detector. Its LOUD.)

Twice in SF in as many weeks

Yeah, definitely getting close to a record for me. When I'm in school I don't often go to San Francisco and I take BART to get there even less - up until this year, anyways. (I freakin miss Chris' red Honda...)

At any rate, I made a trip to Daly City tonight to catch a high school friend who was in from out of town. I kind of regret going, and it's not because I had to take Bart/AC Transit back by myself at night, though that did tick off a couple of other people I know. It's partly because I was left out of the loop on the whole decision-making process, meaning I ended up going MUCH later than I thought. Also, while on my way there I saw something that caught me off-guard and made my heart stop a little.

And to top it all off, the one person I wanted to talk to wasn't around when I finally did get home.

On the flip side, I finished my Arch 110 reading for the week. Now I only have like 12 summaries (wtf are we in high school again?), a couple hundred pages of reading for CP 110 and Arch 120, a paper proposal, a chapter of grammar exercises, and a bunch of Italian reading to do...

Friday, September 7, 2007

12.5 percent

Week two of school has finished, which technically means I'm 12.5 percent done with the semester. In many regards, it feels like school has just started (I just dropped a class and bought my last textbooks today), but in many others I'm already busy and bogged down with school. Take tonight for instance; I did a couple of mundane and mindless things, started reading about environmental psychology, and fell asleep at 5:30pm. I woke up and continued reading about how living in cities throws tons of stimuli that affects us in seemingly odd but consistent ways, which I couldn't help but agree with. The point of this illustration, however, is the fact that it is a Friday evening and I'm sitting here reading for a course on Social and Cultural Processes in Design, rather than doing anything else that resembles the stereotypical college experience.

What's odd is I almost like what I'm reading this semester. Despite some ridiculousness about chairs, both my Arch 110AC and my CP 110 readings have been engaging and illustrative thus far. I'm excited about both of my term project/papers in both of these classes, and my GSI's are enthusiastic, knowledgeable, and personable. I have those 'intellectual' thoughts and conversations that you see those kids at the ivys and shit in movies having on a pretty regular basis nowadays.

My italian instructor is a wonderful woman, though the class is a bit of work. The section is small - 12 people - and normally I would like that but there are a few European students who talk ENDLESSLY and monopolize the conversation in the class. It makes it difficult for me to practice my oral skills. One of them is always questioning grammar (dude I think the teacher is an expert - she was freakin born and raised there and has been teaching for a while) and all of them criticize Americans and American ways. Sometimes I want to ask them why they are here if everything is much more screwed up here, but I've been able to hold my tongue thus far. I suppose it helps that two of them are molto carino...

My last class, Arch 120, is about professional practice. I don't like the lectures and the readings for the most part (some of it is redundant; much of it seems inapplicable), but I'm relieved to find that Mr. FAIA does not just present one view on licensing, education, and practice. What does make me LQTM every time is his tendency to yell at a student to TURN OFF THEIR PHONE RIGHT NOW because he thinks someone's phone is ringing...but actually it's the Windows startup sound that happens when you turn on your computer. He's still really intimidating when he's yelling though...I would sooo not want to be his kid.

One thing I will say this class did for me, it made me realize that in terms of education, I don't have any compelling reasons as to why I'd want to enter a graduate program in architecture, other than the fact that you need to get an accredited degree (read: mArch) in order to become a licensed architect. That's a very important reason, but it's pretty much a given and not all that compelling to admissions officers. I love working in the profession, but the idea of 2-3 years of studios, GSI-ing, and writing a thesis...they dont appeal to me at all. I don't think I'll know everything I need to know once I graduate Cal, but I'll have my critical thinking and problem solving skills, and in an apprentice-based profession, the rest of the things I'll need to know can be learned best as an intern architect.

Furthermore, when I think about all the things I want to look into, research, and examine in terms of city and regional planning...well I apologize to various friends, because I've already gone on about it for hours. There are so many communities that are mis- or under-represented, forgotten about, and abused. So many issues and flaws to be addressed - though probably never "fixed" completely. I think my background - specifically, being raised in two different unincorporated townships - combined with my architectural interests, have suited me toward the issues of regional planning.

I told this to my mother and she seemed receptive to the idea of me going to planning school; then again, she isn't shelling out the $80k+ to do it, either. I fear my father won't like it as much; he's tremendously proud of me (something I've only realized fairly recently), and being an "architect" carries a certain degree of respect and prestige. Studying city and regional planning can lead to a myriad of professions (in reality, architecture does too, but nobody outside the field notices), none of which are famous in greater society (and especially not in produce-farming circles). I'm not sure if its him or if it's projected expectations I've put on myself, but after having noticed that he puts his faith and dreams into his daughters, I obviously want to do something that he can understand and makes him feel like his $90,000/extra mortgages/loans/tractors (yes he sold some, including the real one) were worthwhile. This, of course, is fairly irrational because he's always supported the decisions I've made (remember the NHS basketball fiasco?)

One thing that is annoying about CP is the relative lack of power that municipal planners have. I can see it being frustrating - you have all this training and expertise, and the politicians looking for votes and the developers looking for money and the short-sighted/ill-informed citizens are the ones who ultimately decide what is best. As an architect, you probably have more direct (and certainly physical) influence on how people live and conduct their lives. One last thing that casts doubt on my ability to utilize a master's in City and Regional Planning is the political aspects of the profession. My personality is, by nature, to avoid direct confrontation. I rubberneck just as much as the next guy ("I was in the kitchen cleaning a dish, i was really cleaning, and I heard it so I came out. What? Shoes? No, no, fuck shoes!"), but I don't like to be in the line of fire. I wouldn't really be in the fight, but being surrounded by a bunch of bickering people and groups could get exhausting after a while. Maybe I feel like this because I've been reading on environmental psychology and stress/stimulus all evening though...who knows.

Brief update on things outside of class:
Tues: Reach! API Recruitment & Retention Center meeting. I don't think I can intern for them and a lot of their programs happen in the spring...but I'm definitely going to be supporting them.
Wed: NSU first general meeting. I'm the APAC rep. I'm freakin excited for Culture Show. Meeting freshmen was a little wierd and CTJ's LOUDNESS was absent, but the meeting was overall fun. Yakisoba (homemade) = YUM. I met a kid I used to live down the street from, he looks kind of like my friend's boyfriend. I think it's the hapa thing.
I also had an unexpected visitor from out of town. It freakin made my week.
Thurs: AIAS first general meeting. Went pretty well, and I'm learning how to chill the fuck out.
Next week: APAC meeting, SASC, Hip-hop practice, more AIAS, and the APAC leadership summit.

And I actually wonder how come I can't find anyone that I want to date that wants to date me back. From a time-management standpoint...I'm beginning to see why I'm not so attractive. =(

Monday, September 3, 2007

L'Isola degli sfigati

Luca Dirisio is an Italian pop singer who has had some pretty cheesy music videos (he sang the Italian version of High School Musical's "Breaking Free" as well) and this one's no exception. He totally ripped off Coldplay and is always trying to be Mr. Timberlake, plus there's the wierd Italianness thrown in there with the reality show thing....but the song itself is a bit more modern and way too damn catchy.


unfinished summer

time and space...what are they?
It seemed as if both were forgotten
And everything before felt a mistake
This, this is right...now.
But when i woke you had nothing to say
So we wasted the day, avoiding it all
And before I knew it you were gone

I came for closure but left with wounds wide open
Needed answers but only found questions
For such a talented writer, how can you be so quiet?
It makes me feel foolish, to think that I'm just ink for your pen
I wish I didn't believe in you so much
I wish you saw your potential for yourself

Weeks spent, forgetting
Drunken nights and attempts at distraction
Oh god, it's year two all over again
Your memory was everywhere I looked
On the ocean and in my headphones
Even in places you'd never be caught

Don't you see, you're the distraction
It catches me in concrete and in sunshine
I can't get around it, don't spose I ever will
This silence keeps things open
We need a firey explosion
Not this slow drowning in the murky ocean
Decimation instead of desertion

You've done things I didn't understand
Months go by and I'd slowly comprehend
So do this for me now
Fix it all
There's no guilt and no tears
Just a pit of loneliness and misunderstanding
A silly girl, shattered and loosely held together

Watching you sink from afar
I worry and want that much more
Falling into the same mistakes
This dream will never end
Looping over and over again

This isn't the only thing I'd like to see clarified
God knows this metropolis is even foggier than the one I left behind
But nothing else has done this to me
Everything here is a mistake that I make
An unwillingness to progress
Lest I leave your possibility

So take my time and take my space
It doesn't help me anyways