I had a great time at home but the last couple of days have been pretty blah around here. Last night it even rained. I suppose reading a book about a man in the camps who is separated from his family doesn't help with the intense feeling of alone-ness I've been feeling of late.
I met someone and I sort of think he is amazing but lately I feel like he's been avoiding me. I think I said some things that made him back up, which hurts because I trusted him enough to tell him in the first place. This makes for sad Katies. I don't have too much time to worry about all that though because life doesn't stop to throw me pity parties. Work is crazy - we have Street Fair on Sat and Sun and next week is the NCI closing luncheon. Intern day is a crazy-long 9-to-6 tomorrow as well. Friends are starting to trickle back into town for the fall as well and I am so happy about that.
Anyway, I was talking with a friend I went to Italy with and she's going to Japan next week. I've been wanting to go to Japan for the past few months and I have decided I am going to try and make that trip possible. I want to go right after graduation - before I have to start paying back loans. I think May is a little late for the cherry blossoms, but I am hoping it is still nice then. I don't know where to go in Japan so I guess I should invest in a book to figure it all out.
Now that I've been all over Europe, I am not as apprehensive about going to a country where I don't speak the language or know the customs. I don't know if I want to go see family there or not. I know my baachan's entire family is still in Japan but other than that I don't know much about my relatives there. I should ask my dad about it. Perhaps if some of the younger ones speak english we can start exchanging emails or something. I sort of wish I had the opportunity to do an exchange program in high school. Now, it looks like I will be relying on friends and self-education to navigate the "fatherland". Anyone want to join me on this trip?
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
It's Sunday Night
And I'm blasting all the music I can sing/yell along to!
I don't wanna go to work...because...not because I don't like it. It's not bad work. I just want some more time to not be a "productive" member of American society.
I want one more day to spend at home with my family.
I want one less day of BART/MUNI/AC Transit rides.
I want one more day of fun times with roommates and other close friends.
I want one less day of not having the energy to cook (this really depresses me sometimes).
I want one more day of reading the books I just bought.
I want one less day of fog.
I think, in short, I want one more day of living in my home/college/kid dream bubble.
It was a great weekend though...obon was so much fun and I can't wait to get a hold of some of those odori songs...hahahaha.
I don't wanna go to work...because...not because I don't like it. It's not bad work. I just want some more time to not be a "productive" member of American society.
I want one more day to spend at home with my family.
I want one less day of BART/MUNI/AC Transit rides.
I want one more day of fun times with roommates and other close friends.
I want one less day of not having the energy to cook (this really depresses me sometimes).
I want one more day of reading the books I just bought.
I want one less day of fog.
I think, in short, I want one more day of living in my home/college/kid dream bubble.
It was a great weekend though...obon was so much fun and I can't wait to get a hold of some of those odori songs...hahahaha.
Friday, August 1, 2008
The Maine
Rachel thought I'd like this band called The Maine and while they wear ugly clothes they're not horrible. This is from the song "If I Only Had The Heart":
I know I sound repetitive,
Cause I'm repeating myself,
And I'm competitive,
I want you all by yourself.
And that alone is just the problem,
I've got these woes,
And I just can't solve them.
If I could gather up the nerve,
I'd put my feelings into words,
And if I weren't so young, or stupid, or restless,
I might be able to just soon forget this.
I know I sound repetitive,
Cause I'm repeating myself,
And I'm competitive,
I want you all by yourself.
And that alone is just the problem,
I've got these woes,
And I just can't solve them.
If I could gather up the nerve,
I'd put my feelings into words,
And if I weren't so young, or stupid, or restless,
I might be able to just soon forget this.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Let's set some GOALS
I've been panicking this past week because I don't know if I like the direction my life is going in: I have two semesters of school left, one presidency, one relationship, and one degree to earn. So what do I want to throw my efforts into? I don't know 100% yet but I figure concrete goals are always a good place to start. Create and adjust, right? So here goes:
1. Graduate with a 3.6 GPA.
I haven't figured it out exactly but I think I have a 3.5 after my EAP grades come in, and I read that the average MCP student at Cal had a 3.6 as an undergrad. UCLA doesn't list their average, but Cal's ranked higher so I might as well aim high. I think that, if I plan my classes right and REALLY buckle down..I can do this. Sub-goal: qualify myself for MCP/MUP school, even if I don't plan on applying for like five years.
2. Make $450/month
Sadly, this used to be my rent. It's gone up a lot though. If I work 10 hours a week at $12/hour, I can do this...even if I only make $300/month, it is more than I have been making during school. And, I would like for this employment to be at a CBO in Japantown, or related to City Planning. Hmmm.
3. Finish moving in
It's been driving me crazy to be so disorganized! To retrieve from home: printer, dresser, tape measure, bolts for the couch.
4. Do laundry better.
As in, do it more often. I don't do it because the machines are shitty and expensive in my building, and I haven't got a drying rack. So: buy a drying rack. Maybe invest in a new iron.
5. Wear less make-up.
I don't mind having to wear it in the morning but I do mind the fact that I now think my bare face looks sad and tired all the time. A lifestyle change, rather than covering my face up, is what I am going for. Especially my eyes. All this stress...
6. Visit my great grandfather before thanksgiving.
He is sick.
7. Invest time in culture show.
Pretty self-explanitory.
8. Find Italian-speaking friends/opportunities.
I miss it like CRAZY. Unlike my chinese-, japanese-, and spanish-speaking friends....an Italian-speaking sub-culture doesn't really exist in this part of America.
9. Work on my relationships: communication.
It's something I am never good at but the benefits are worth the effort.
None of these are really in any order. I am actually surprised. The first goal is the only one that immediately stood out to me (hence it being first). I haven't been this serious about academics in a very long time. I started Cal with the goal of graduating with a 3.0!
1. Graduate with a 3.6 GPA.
I haven't figured it out exactly but I think I have a 3.5 after my EAP grades come in, and I read that the average MCP student at Cal had a 3.6 as an undergrad. UCLA doesn't list their average, but Cal's ranked higher so I might as well aim high. I think that, if I plan my classes right and REALLY buckle down..I can do this. Sub-goal: qualify myself for MCP/MUP school, even if I don't plan on applying for like five years.
2. Make $450/month
Sadly, this used to be my rent. It's gone up a lot though. If I work 10 hours a week at $12/hour, I can do this...even if I only make $300/month, it is more than I have been making during school. And, I would like for this employment to be at a CBO in Japantown, or related to City Planning. Hmmm.
3. Finish moving in
It's been driving me crazy to be so disorganized! To retrieve from home: printer, dresser, tape measure, bolts for the couch.
4. Do laundry better.
As in, do it more often. I don't do it because the machines are shitty and expensive in my building, and I haven't got a drying rack. So: buy a drying rack. Maybe invest in a new iron.
5. Wear less make-up.
I don't mind having to wear it in the morning but I do mind the fact that I now think my bare face looks sad and tired all the time. A lifestyle change, rather than covering my face up, is what I am going for. Especially my eyes. All this stress...
6. Visit my great grandfather before thanksgiving.
He is sick.
7. Invest time in culture show.
Pretty self-explanitory.
8. Find Italian-speaking friends/opportunities.
I miss it like CRAZY. Unlike my chinese-, japanese-, and spanish-speaking friends....an Italian-speaking sub-culture doesn't really exist in this part of America.
9. Work on my relationships: communication.
It's something I am never good at but the benefits are worth the effort.
None of these are really in any order. I am actually surprised. The first goal is the only one that immediately stood out to me (hence it being first). I haven't been this serious about academics in a very long time. I started Cal with the goal of graduating with a 3.0!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Busy is the word
It's the word that can encompass my whole summer.
I'm not really thrilled about it. I know, I know...I busied myself up before even coming home because I didn't want to be too Italy-sick. And I didn't want to be too bored. And I wanted to be productive. And I wanted to get back into my community. I KNOW. And most of that still holds true.
But I also wanted spontaneous life time. And I want to reconnect w/people who, even though we are (mostly) in the same state, still feel a million miles away. And no matter how busy I am I still catch myself missing Italy, missing my family, and missing life as it once was. I still find myself bored by youtube and boundless internet, too.
So yeah, I am busy and it's my fault so I shouldn't be complaining about it at all. But here I am...trying, like always, to have it all. When will I ever learn???
On top of having a TON of work stuff to do this week (last week was, comparatively, slow) I've got:
Youth Advisory Committee for NFLP (project funded by CCLPEP grant)
NSU (some people are really hard to track down)
Family things
Obons & festivals almost every weekend
All the weekend stuff associated with work
Trying to set up an NSU meetup in LA
Trying to set up an NCI chillout in East Bay
Laundry (it takes so much longer to do here, for some reason)
Grocery shopping (with what money????)
No appetite
No money
etccccccccccccc
Well. Let's see if I can organize my life. I need to quit things. I need to not sign up for 22 units. I need to prioritize, because my priorities have definitely changed (hopefully for the better). I need to balance needs and wants, and I want to do that all while still feeling like life is amazing. Man, i really admire all those OGs that managed to do as much as they could. How does one be a good sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, gf, employee, worker, roomie, leader, activist, representative, "role model", and citizen? And what does good mean????
I'm not really thrilled about it. I know, I know...I busied myself up before even coming home because I didn't want to be too Italy-sick. And I didn't want to be too bored. And I wanted to be productive. And I wanted to get back into my community. I KNOW. And most of that still holds true.
But I also wanted spontaneous life time. And I want to reconnect w/people who, even though we are (mostly) in the same state, still feel a million miles away. And no matter how busy I am I still catch myself missing Italy, missing my family, and missing life as it once was. I still find myself bored by youtube and boundless internet, too.
So yeah, I am busy and it's my fault so I shouldn't be complaining about it at all. But here I am...trying, like always, to have it all. When will I ever learn???
On top of having a TON of work stuff to do this week (last week was, comparatively, slow) I've got:
Youth Advisory Committee for NFLP (project funded by CCLPEP grant)
NSU (some people are really hard to track down)
Family things
Obons & festivals almost every weekend
All the weekend stuff associated with work
Trying to set up an NSU meetup in LA
Trying to set up an NCI chillout in East Bay
Laundry (it takes so much longer to do here, for some reason)
Grocery shopping (with what money????)
No appetite
No money
etccccccccccccc
Well. Let's see if I can organize my life. I need to quit things. I need to not sign up for 22 units. I need to prioritize, because my priorities have definitely changed (hopefully for the better). I need to balance needs and wants, and I want to do that all while still feeling like life is amazing. Man, i really admire all those OGs that managed to do as much as they could. How does one be a good sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, gf, employee, worker, roomie, leader, activist, representative, "role model", and citizen? And what does good mean????
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
