Choice 1 of a Million

So I've decided that I am probably not going to date or otherwise get romtntically involved with Italian guys while I'm abroad. The advice I've gotten from people and my personal boundaries and beliefs tell me that it's not really what I want. Guys are way different than they are here, and the entire guy-girl dynamic is different. I'm going to have enough to get used to. On top of that, foreign girls like me are apparently supposed to be "easy", so all in all it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

I don't want to go on this trip with a closed mind or anything like that, but I think it's good to know what I will stand up for before I go. If I can pinpoint a few core values and beliefs then I am hoping that I can let myself experience everything else without regret.

Sigh. There seems to be a fine line between playing it safe/not being open to things and compromising yourself.

Moving Sucks, Part 1

I get to move twice within the span of one month - Berkeley to home, and home to Italy. Once I arrive in Italy, I will probably have to move twice. I do not like moving: anyone who knows me knows that I like to set up shop somewhere and leave it be for a good long while. Or at least a year, now that I've entered college. One of the reasons why I hate packing and moving is that it makes you re-evaluate your life - or, at least, all the material things in it.

Things I have learned today:

• 5 books are worth $7. I'm pretty sure that the paper they are printed on cost more than that. It also gives the illusion that education and learning in general is cheap. I don't even want to know how much they are going to sell those books for >_<>
• An empty, in contrast, book is worth $6. Does that make my thoughts worth negative money?
  
• My fashion sense is worth nothing. I tried to sell a bunch of my clothes at Buffalo Exchange and the chick rejected my stuff because it was too "springish". aka not uber warm. But this is California guys...we don't really have seasons. I'm also baffled as to how the clerk is allowed to be an authority on fashion, because she had one of the ugliest haircuts that I have seen in my lifeee. On the up side..all of my stuff did get donated, saving me a trip to the Goodwill store that's all the way over on University.
• Walgreens' 2.5" x 3.5" wallet prints are NOT that size. They are actually 2" x 3" (or 1/4 of a 4x6 print). And I had cut up my photos to put them in the frame before I measured them, so I can't do much about it now. Another $3 donated to Walgreens...
• I have a Jamba Card that seems to refill itself magically...yay! Or maybe I just forget I have it most of the time. Unfortunately...I don't think Jamba is in Italy.
• Avant-Card 30% off sales makes shopping there *affordable*! I also saw a book there that's been on my wishlist, but as I've spent way too much money this month I opted not to buy it...just like the Phantom Planet tshirt and EP this morning =(

Gah. All my interaction with society and supporting local commerce has put me in a really bad mood. I have too much crap and it's all worthless. But the worthless crap is the stuff I can bring with me, and the things that mean everything to me have to stay in California...sigh.

Family visits

My mom drove to Berkeley yesterday to help me with my move-out preparations because I won't have a lot of time between finals and moving out to clean everything up. She deep-cleaned my kitchen, finished the dishes, took out tons of garbage, helped me pack, and steam-cleaned my carpets! Cleaning isn't my thing, so I was VERY appreciative, especially since tomorow morning she's going to LA/OC for her aunt's funeral and everything at work is hectic for her right now.

I missed like five social events but didn't feel all that bad, considering the benefits my mother was giving me and the time we got to spend together. My mom will do anything for me and my sister, and I fail to see that and let her see that I see that far too often.

When I come back from Italy, I'm going to try to go home once every 4-5 weeks. No more being the well-loved but never-there child, missing all the birthdays, the family events, the homecomings, the dinners. I don't hate my family, just the way things are going in the town I grew up in, which is getting worse and worse every time I go back.

I guess I'm leaving my teenaged self-identity formation phase of my life.

lessons in love

I'm lucky enough to know a handful of people who make my heart smile every time I see/talk to them...
But I'm pretty sure that I don't have the same effect on them. And that's....that's that. I can't expect anything more.

I want to tell everyone I care about just how much they mean to me before I leave for Italy, because I know everything will be different when I come back. Just like it was different in December 05 and just like it's so drastically different in Nipomo, with everyone gone and moved away...and god forbid something were to happen to me or them...but something else is holding me back that I just can't pinpoint.

Basically, I will always be a fraidy-cat kind of girl. =/

WAMP WAMP!

I belong in Milano

A friend of mine is studying in Bologna and she took a trip to Milano recently. I have decided that that city is where, out of all of Italy, I truly belong...sigh. Think the EAP guys will switch me? HAHA

The streets of MILAN

The xmas lighting in MILAN

The beautiful architecture and people of MILANO