Tricks and Treating

Second Gen's theme is halloween-ish, and it's tonight. I sort of got tricked into helping out with a bunch of stuff for it...which only annoys me because I was invited over to do my reading rather than this stuff. In my infinite nice-ness (or rather my neurotic need to make sure people are decently-fed) I'm contributing dinner to the cause which I was duped into helping in the first place. Ironic, no?

I don't know why I'm complaining. I am supposed to help out with things. I normally don't mind. But last-minute-ness is like the #2 pet peeve of mine, and I have a lot on my plate right now (academically and with my family) and my birthday is this week. Which means it's a holiday all week, yeah? (haha Gautam thinks so). Okay I'm not that delusional, but historically my birthday has ALWAYS fallen on one of THE most stressful weeks of the term..this year is no exception. Papers and midterms anyone??

Change

Deliberate change is so hard to make...

and yet the small, unintentional changes that come about due to sticking to the status quo or negligence are so easy to make....

Why???

Sigh.

I'm feeling like epic fail right now.

I'm feeling like this year isn't what anyone expected.

I'm feeling like that is somehow all my fault.

But I know that I can't control the way people feel about things, or what they choose to make their priorities.

My goal was to help folks grow into the people they could be. But I can't do everything for them and I guess I'm not really the leader I thought I was, after all. I wish I could shake this feeling that everyone's watching and waiting to see if I epic fail or epic win at this stuff this year.

A dying breed, indeed.

Midterm Season

Its 2am and I just heard the street sweeper go by. Sweet. I hate this part of midterm season!

I'm working on a paper for my Japanese American History class and I went to look up when Tofu Festival started (1996), which led me to the Nisei Week site, where I then looked at the pageant requirements (still restrictive), and then SF Cherry Blossom (not really updated)...then I looked up what year Vincent Chin was murdered, which was referenced in a song by a Filipino-AMerican rap group, which led me to look for "Japanese American Musicians" on wikipedia, when led me to the Mike Shinoda site....which reminded me that I didn't get to go to the opening of the first part of his art exhibit at the JANM this summer.

Anyways, buy me his book?

Kthx.

I've only got about 70% more of this paper to write before I can sleep!

Profiling

I was going to write about how hip hop was tonight (YAYS!) but all I ever seem to write about is NSU anymore so I'll write about this other thought that's been buzzing through my head. I was browsing facebook and i happened upon this girl's profile who is also an arch major here (I was looking for someone w/the same first name as this person) and I could tell right away because it all screamed architecture. 

Interests: Design and All-Nighters. Residence: Wurster 6th floor, etc etc. 

Look at mine and what do you see? JA this and that. Interested in...mixed-use development. Community. Strada. Fluent in Italian. Favorite book: maps. One of my quotes is about the different epochs of architecture that are contained in a Roman street corner. 2 years of working for a firm. 

So at first I was going to say...."I do not live and breathe architecture and design." I do not aspire to be a studio resident, nor do I enjoy all-nighters any more. I don't go around talking about art. I'm even trying to kick my coffee habit. But then I realized....that this statement is not true. I do not live and breathe architecture and design, except for the fact that it is an intrinsic part of every moment of my life. I see, hear, and feel the effect of the built environment on the way in which lives are lived, in every moment. From the crappy lighting in my living room to the gorgeous way that the sunset reflects onto the building across the street to make it look truly magical, I take notice of art, architecture, and design.

But some part of me still feels inadequate when I see this girl's page. Why? I'm no less able to earn a degree in architecture than anyone else in the program. To the outsider, I spend all my time caught up in all that "activist" stuff - registering people to vote, empowering the JA community, serving the community, supporting others in their struggles, keeping up on the political culture of this nation. But that doesn't mean I'm not engaged in my major either. I'm just not into the PROFESSION. A lot of people seem to think that the two - academics and profession - go hand in hand. I guess...I guess what I should already know, but just realized tonight, is that I am not defined by my major.  I'm more than that, more than my activities, more than the books on my shelf, more than my italian-isms. But how do you convey all of that to someone you've just met? Or someone you've never met? How do I say "These are my passions and they may seem disparate to you, but to me they are a cohesive fabric that I live and breathe"? 

Gosh. Why do I feel the need to justify myself? Why am I so aware of others' perceptions of me..and more importantly..why do I care?? I think I know part of the answer...I'm tryikng to be the person that a couple of specific people think is interesting. Not just interesting, but focused and amazing. Trying to present myself so that they will see that I've got my head on straight just like them. Trying so hard.......for something I'll never get.

This Is Why You Buy Italian

I just sat on my glasses while on the phone with someone who was asking me a bunch of questions about a grant I applied for....luckily, they didn't break. My Armani frames always pull through for me!! Like all things Italian, they are high quality, although they are also pretty finicky and I have to adjust the nose pieces every other day.

Hopefully the results of the grant application come out just as favorably!!

Update on the past week:

• It's now october. WHAT??
  
• I went to work and met w/someone from SF JACL on Friday...also went to Bingo in Union City that evening....and it rained that night. It was a long day.
  
• Speaking of rain, it was the first rain of the fall. Kind of humid but actually quite pleasant for me.
  
• My collection of cute bento boxes is growing but I spent less this time than I did last time =)
  
• I found out that one of my cousins has some major medical stuff going on...I am worried about him.
  
• I'm not ready for my arch history midterm...
  
• Football concessions = bootsy, but Cal games are always an experience!!
  
• I'm almost out of food and due to the aforementioned midterm I haven't had time to go grocery shopping. Actually, I have a lot of bread and yogurt but that doesn't make for a very balanced diet.
  
• When I wasn't out doing NSU-related things this weekend, I took the time to clean my room and take care of myself. I like having a clean room...too bad I'm going to destroy it this week.
  
• Oh! I found out that I won a scholarship from the architecture department based on my "class standing and outstanding academic merit". Who knew I had ANY academic merit??
• EAP grades still aren't in the US and it pushed my Telebears back a day =(