Profiling

I was going to write about how hip hop was tonight (YAYS!) but all I ever seem to write about is NSU anymore so I'll write about this other thought that's been buzzing through my head. I was browsing facebook and i happened upon this girl's profile who is also an arch major here (I was looking for someone w/the same first name as this person) and I could tell right away because it all screamed architecture. 

Interests: Design and All-Nighters. Residence: Wurster 6th floor, etc etc. 

Look at mine and what do you see? JA this and that. Interested in...mixed-use development. Community. Strada. Fluent in Italian. Favorite book: maps. One of my quotes is about the different epochs of architecture that are contained in a Roman street corner. 2 years of working for a firm. 

So at first I was going to say...."I do not live and breathe architecture and design." I do not aspire to be a studio resident, nor do I enjoy all-nighters any more. I don't go around talking about art. I'm even trying to kick my coffee habit. But then I realized....that this statement is not true. I do not live and breathe architecture and design, except for the fact that it is an intrinsic part of every moment of my life. I see, hear, and feel the effect of the built environment on the way in which lives are lived, in every moment. From the crappy lighting in my living room to the gorgeous way that the sunset reflects onto the building across the street to make it look truly magical, I take notice of art, architecture, and design.

But some part of me still feels inadequate when I see this girl's page. Why? I'm no less able to earn a degree in architecture than anyone else in the program. To the outsider, I spend all my time caught up in all that "activist" stuff - registering people to vote, empowering the JA community, serving the community, supporting others in their struggles, keeping up on the political culture of this nation. But that doesn't mean I'm not engaged in my major either. I'm just not into the PROFESSION. A lot of people seem to think that the two - academics and profession - go hand in hand. I guess...I guess what I should already know, but just realized tonight, is that I am not defined by my major.  I'm more than that, more than my activities, more than the books on my shelf, more than my italian-isms. But how do you convey all of that to someone you've just met? Or someone you've never met? How do I say "These are my passions and they may seem disparate to you, but to me they are a cohesive fabric that I live and breathe"? 

Gosh. Why do I feel the need to justify myself? Why am I so aware of others' perceptions of me..and more importantly..why do I care?? I think I know part of the answer...I'm tryikng to be the person that a couple of specific people think is interesting. Not just interesting, but focused and amazing. Trying to present myself so that they will see that I've got my head on straight just like them. Trying so hard.......for something I'll never get.