Another Wish

Walking out of 170 today...I have not been this physically tired in ages. I've been walking around in a feverish, achy daze for the past week. No amount of vitamins, soup, raisins, tea or sleep will shake it. I'd say I'm feeling a little less alive than usual, except the sore shoulders, aching back, and squeaky knees make me fully aware of just how much I can feel. So my soul can't possibly be dying just yet. Yes, my friends....it's a physical manifestation of the absolute craziness that October (always) is: mid-terms, deadlines, missing my family, social obligations, keeping tabs on everything, papers, and my (least) favorite, social planning.

So while I don't care much about physical gifts and that pretty pair of boots I saw anymore, I know that my birthday won't be exactly how I want it (the midterm gets in the way, for starters). Even a nice leisurely brunch, a walk on my beach, and time with the people that (like it or not) I care about seem a little out of reach. A day outside normal reality and inside my imagined reality is just not possible. And for that reason, and the fact that I always try and fail to be less ego-centric, I would not be devastated if my birthday just came and went this year.

But, I have concluded, a hug and a massage would be more appreciated than yet another drink this Thursday...assuming that teleportation is still out of the realm of possibilites. Because a surprise trip would be the coolest thing EVAR. You can blame this fantasy on my aunt and uncle, the latter having whisked the former away on a trip to Europe to propose to her some years ago.

Sometimes I'm just hopeless like that.