Choice 1 of a Million

So I've decided that I am probably not going to date or otherwise get romtntically involved with Italian guys while I'm abroad. The advice I've gotten from people and my personal boundaries and beliefs tell me that it's not really what I want. Guys are way different than they are here, and the entire guy-girl dynamic is different. I'm going to have enough to get used to. On top of that, foreign girls like me are apparently supposed to be "easy", so all in all it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

I don't want to go on this trip with a closed mind or anything like that, but I think it's good to know what I will stand up for before I go. If I can pinpoint a few core values and beliefs then I am hoping that I can let myself experience everything else without regret.

Sigh. There seems to be a fine line between playing it safe/not being open to things and compromising yourself.

Moving Sucks, Part 1

I get to move twice within the span of one month - Berkeley to home, and home to Italy. Once I arrive in Italy, I will probably have to move twice. I do not like moving: anyone who knows me knows that I like to set up shop somewhere and leave it be for a good long while. Or at least a year, now that I've entered college. One of the reasons why I hate packing and moving is that it makes you re-evaluate your life - or, at least, all the material things in it.

Things I have learned today:

• 5 books are worth $7. I'm pretty sure that the paper they are printed on cost more than that. It also gives the illusion that education and learning in general is cheap. I don't even want to know how much they are going to sell those books for >_<>
• An empty, in contrast, book is worth $6. Does that make my thoughts worth negative money?
  
• My fashion sense is worth nothing. I tried to sell a bunch of my clothes at Buffalo Exchange and the chick rejected my stuff because it was too "springish". aka not uber warm. But this is California guys...we don't really have seasons. I'm also baffled as to how the clerk is allowed to be an authority on fashion, because she had one of the ugliest haircuts that I have seen in my lifeee. On the up side..all of my stuff did get donated, saving me a trip to the Goodwill store that's all the way over on University.
• Walgreens' 2.5" x 3.5" wallet prints are NOT that size. They are actually 2" x 3" (or 1/4 of a 4x6 print). And I had cut up my photos to put them in the frame before I measured them, so I can't do much about it now. Another $3 donated to Walgreens...
• I have a Jamba Card that seems to refill itself magically...yay! Or maybe I just forget I have it most of the time. Unfortunately...I don't think Jamba is in Italy.
• Avant-Card 30% off sales makes shopping there *affordable*! I also saw a book there that's been on my wishlist, but as I've spent way too much money this month I opted not to buy it...just like the Phantom Planet tshirt and EP this morning =(

Gah. All my interaction with society and supporting local commerce has put me in a really bad mood. I have too much crap and it's all worthless. But the worthless crap is the stuff I can bring with me, and the things that mean everything to me have to stay in California...sigh.

Family visits

My mom drove to Berkeley yesterday to help me with my move-out preparations because I won't have a lot of time between finals and moving out to clean everything up. She deep-cleaned my kitchen, finished the dishes, took out tons of garbage, helped me pack, and steam-cleaned my carpets! Cleaning isn't my thing, so I was VERY appreciative, especially since tomorow morning she's going to LA/OC for her aunt's funeral and everything at work is hectic for her right now.

I missed like five social events but didn't feel all that bad, considering the benefits my mother was giving me and the time we got to spend together. My mom will do anything for me and my sister, and I fail to see that and let her see that I see that far too often.

When I come back from Italy, I'm going to try to go home once every 4-5 weeks. No more being the well-loved but never-there child, missing all the birthdays, the family events, the homecomings, the dinners. I don't hate my family, just the way things are going in the town I grew up in, which is getting worse and worse every time I go back.

I guess I'm leaving my teenaged self-identity formation phase of my life.

lessons in love

I'm lucky enough to know a handful of people who make my heart smile every time I see/talk to them...
But I'm pretty sure that I don't have the same effect on them. And that's....that's that. I can't expect anything more.

I want to tell everyone I care about just how much they mean to me before I leave for Italy, because I know everything will be different when I come back. Just like it was different in December 05 and just like it's so drastically different in Nipomo, with everyone gone and moved away...and god forbid something were to happen to me or them...but something else is holding me back that I just can't pinpoint.

Basically, I will always be a fraidy-cat kind of girl. =/

WAMP WAMP!

I belong in Milano

A friend of mine is studying in Bologna and she took a trip to Milano recently. I have decided that that city is where, out of all of Italy, I truly belong...sigh. Think the EAP guys will switch me? HAHA

The streets of MILAN

The xmas lighting in MILAN

The beautiful architecture and people of MILANO

Perfect Weekend

Today and yesterday, I did not have to wake up to an alarm. I didn't have to be in three places at once, or rush from one thing to the next. I did things in my own time and at my own pace.

It was utterly relaxing, and reminded me of freshman year when I lived in the dorms. Each weekend, the halls would be at their quietest during the mornings, and since nobody else was getting up, you could just take your time and be a little lazy for a while. Enjoy a cup of tea and those dreadful waffles, watch an episode of Arrested Development, or whatever.

I think that the change in pace of life is going to be one of the most beneficial things for me when I go to Italy. I don't want to leave my friends and family at all, but living in a society that isn't busybusybusy and work-obsessed will be nice.

Now, I must rush to get something made for a potluck by 5. sigh.

I have realized... [and a concert]

Although I have limits, I can do anything once I'm aware of what those limits are, because I can work around them. I didn't stay up on Friday to finish my paper because I'd hit my caffiene limit and went insane...but...I got up and finished the paper "on time". And then I stood for basically 8 hours and had an amazing time at Not So Silent Night...even though I thought I was gonna pass out before I got to San Francisco!

I've been thinking at all I've accomplished in this short semester and since I got to Cal...you don't notice it but day by day is how big things get done.
---
So, concert-o. 6 bands, 1 ticket. It was a pretty good deal!

Me being all EEEP!-y and excited

Maladroid - local band contest winner from Oak-town. I've heard of them before but never bothered to listen to them, and they were actually pretty good. It's always a good feeling to discover another sound that you like. They were all dressed up but not, which was cute. I shall have to find out when/where they are playing closer to home.

Paramore
They are apparently grammy-nominated but I don't really know why. They have one song "Pressure" that I liked way better studio-fied. I felt like the chick who was singing was catering to a certain image and I'm not really into it. Also, it attracted a bunch of 12-to-16 year old girls who bounce too much and/or think they are both badass and emo....which was really, really annoying to have to deal with all night.

Spoon
We sat upstairs for this one. I don't know most of the songs they played, but "The Way We Get By" was part of their set and I like that song a lot. I kind of just zoned out though, because they didn't really interact with the audience at all. Sitting upstairs was cool cause all the people on the floor look like tiny little amoeba cell things that are all floatin around in a very crowded dish!

Angels and Airwaves
This was the band that sold me on buying my ticket (it wasn't exactly cheap). I was lucky enough to be in the lobby during their radio interview, so they were like 1- feet away from me! I couldn't see very well though...stupid giant radio headphone things. As I watched their setup crew, I was like "wow these guys are way too into themselves" as they definitely had the most elaborate set-up thus far (flags...all they do is block someone's view...annoying!), and as they were introduced the DJ not only tried to push their album (which no one else did) but also informed us that Tom wants to change our lives. Having resided around way more activists than average per capita for the last year, I was like yeah, right.

But as they took the stage, I was super duper excited. Tom's vocals were not the best or were they very audible, but the rest of the music (ie guitar, bass, & drums) were not at all disappointing. I don't buy into all of their bullshit about a revolution (I like Jere's definition of a social movement better), but I do like the idea of coming together to feel the same way for a few moments.

All in all I wish they could have played longer, because their songs don't stand alone (with the exception of Everything's Magic) as well as when they are all together. It's the same reason why I always have to listen to the whole album, all the way through!

Jimmy Eat World

So the fans got pretty rowdy during AVA (lots of crowd surfers, drunkies, and the like) but it reached a new level for Jimmy Eat World. We got to stand closer than for AVA (that was my one disappointment - not being able to see well for AVA's set), but it meant more crowding, more pushing, and more violence. This was also the set where the creeper was present. Looking unlike everyone else (ie Asian and not emo) had its advantage for once, as the creeper dude did not find me interesting/attactive. He did, unfortunately, find my friends interesting..until they resorted to a bit of physical suggestions to get the hell away. There was also a crazy assed hippie girl trying to talk to us. She was a lot better than the 12-year olds or the dancery girls or the potsmoking idiots from the Maladroid and Paramore sets, at least.

Getting back to the show....Jimmy Eat World was great because they played all of their more established songs such as "Work", "Pain", "The Middle", "Hear You Me", and "Sweetness", as well as "Big Casino" from their newest album. They have great songs to sing and bounce to that connect w/everyone, so that they don't even need to address the audience much...you know they are putting their energy into the music. Pretty much the opposite of Spoon.

Modest Mouse

I like Modest Mouse. The funky instruments, the loud bombastic vibe, their country-ish image/roots are all appealing. But in person it gets to be TOO loud. Your head is just assaulted. Also, one of my friends almost passed out so we went to sit down, which quite frankly was good for me too because being up front with all that was too much. There was some old man (seriously like 60 years old) standing behind us, which I came to figure out was there to see one of the musicians from Modest Mouse (I didn't catch which one) who is apparently one of the best musicians for whatever he plays.

The grandpa dude took this picture. And my face is quite large. And white...

All and all, I had a fantastic time and it was a great way to end my semester. I mean...a week before I was on a plane to Southern California...hours before I was writing about affordable housing ordinances like my life depended on it. That's what I love about my life: as much as I love to sit around and watch tv, I am blessed with the ability, proximity, and resources to do 1001 things in a week.

Note that all videos really sucked....taking them while being jostled every which way sucks. Also, I really wanted the AVA tshirt but I thought I had no money in my checking account so I couldn't use the ATM. As it turns out a check hadn't been cashed so I was sitting on way more money. And, sad enough, I can't get the tshirt online...apparently it was one of those concert-only styles. SADFACES FOR LYFE.

YEAH VOICES!

Culture show was tonight and it was awesome. I messed up, but I still smiled.

I am dead tired and dreading turning in two papers at 9:30, but its all worth it. VOICES is a production that I am very, very proud to be able to put my name on.

So much has happened in the last week - hell, within the last day - but that's all I'll say for now.

flying high

NSU all cast was tonight - it's going to be an AMAZING show! FamPo just blew me away, I love love love Step Up, and Yosakoi made me wish I had the time for it again.

I am approaching hour 40 of no sleep (2 naps totaling less than 2 hours thrown into that) but I am very awake because I'm so pumped for the show! I was really stressing because I don't feel like I have mastered the JCREW dance but our choreographer (who i thought was hella mad) really liked the part of the costume that I actually did wear tonight. I didn't wear the rest of it because I didn't want to look too...I dunno. Like I was trying too hard. I did the socks thing mostly as a tribute to my father and my cousin, and they turned out to be a hit. Yays!

And then I also got an email and my section really liked my ethnography presentation board, so I guess the all-nighter was worth it ~ hopefully this means I get an A? or at least not a check minus?


So combine those three things and you have a very tired but pretty happy Katie =) I'm also really starving and I've got another project due in 8 hours sooooo I best be getting to sleep!

Panic Mode

There are 11 days of class left, a trip to SoCal, and Culture Show coming up, so I am in full-on panic mode.

Here's what is running through my mind right now:
-I procastinated on a project that is due at 9:30am because I really REALLY dislike both the prof and the GSI. I know that the only person this hurts is me, but I just had a ridiculously difficult time getting motivated after my main informant fell of the face of the planet.

-I'm tired of people that promise the world and can't deliver. Or rather, people that promise 10000 do-able things so that it turns out that NONE of them are do-able together. I learned my lesson in over-commitment last year and it was a tough thing to learn - I recieved my first (and hopefully last) D/NP as a result. I am not so patient about it anymore, especially with some people that I've watched make the same mistakes over and over again. Sometimes I just want to tell people to get their heads out of their asses...

-For some reason my CAD would let me copy and paste blocks, but once pasted, the block became un-selectable, making me unable to move, rotate, copy, change layer, or even delete! After a couple of save-as tries and lots of internet growling I finally got it to work again. I have no clue why it was doing that, as I had turned on and unlocked all the layers!

-Tomorrow is going to suck majorly (7am to 12pm "out-and-about") but at least I love everyone in CS!

-I think I should disable g-chat. 95% of my conversations on there just lead to more stress and most of my friends are on AIM...but not all of them =/

I should get back to work now. I am going to make a real effort to update this thing on my UCLA trip and Thanksgiving...hopefully by Thursday night. Oh look there I go doing exactly what I hate in other people - not keeping deadlines and knowing full well that I won't as soon as I set them!

UCB NSU Presents: ~VOICES~

PLEASE COME SUPPORT ME AND THE NIKKEI STUDENT UNION! What do you know about today's Japanese American youth? Its community? Go beyond the tiny blurb in your high school history text and discover today's diverse voices!

We've been working hard all semester to put on a great show for you. I'll be in a hip-hop piece entitled NOppresion!!!

Tickets can be bought from me, $5-10 sliding scale. Please contact me by Monday, Nov. 26th at 7pm so that I can reserve you a ticket!


Countless VOICES, one community.

WE DID IT!

http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/16826

More exciting news about my trip to LA and the campaign to follow soon =)

Sick or not?

For the last three weeks, my body has been unable to make up its mind as to whether or not I'm sick or not:

I wake in the morning with a sore throat and that whole deal, as well as being lightheaded...by 10am I am fine.

In the afternoon I am especially tired, and my body aches. Then again, I spent 3+ hours dancing on Sunday, 2 today, and a lot of un-clocked time in addition to that.

My ability to stay up late is severely limited and I can't get myself to wake up easily, despite getting 10 hours of sleep some nights.

By the time late-night dance practices are over, I feel like shit...the way you feel right before you develop a cold. In the morning it's often gone though.

I've had a headache for 5+ days that won't go away. It's not excruciating, but it affects my balance perception at times (makes dancing oh so fun, not! I end up looking like this out of control fat spazz cow as a result). And advil doesn't do a great job for it.

I was hoping that it was just signs of dehydration, but I've been drinking LOTS of water lately to combat everything. It isn't helping.

The only position I seem to be comfortable and semi-productive in is when I'm lying on my bed...because I don't get so dizzy cuz my heart is about level with my head.

My mother says I have a sinus infection, but I have no nasal drip.

So am I sick or what??

broken record

I know I sound like a broken record, but I kind of hate doing someone else's job for them.

random panic-inducing thought of the night

How do I file and pay taxes from abroad??



Why don't they tell you that kind of crap in the UOEAP giant handbook thing? it seems much more important to me than telling me how to access telebears (ie do the same thing you ALWAYS do)......

Two Words

RAY'S SUSHI in Hayward. I went there again w/the Furukawa contingency from San Jose tonight for a very belated birthday of sorts. I am so full! Their sashimi is the equivalent of 2-3 slices at a normal place. The sukiyaki was delicious as well - I don't think I've had sukiyaki since freshman year!

Now I'm back in rainy Berkeley and there is absolutely nothing to do because we lost (again) to USC and everyone's trying to get stuff done before all-cast tomorrow =/

I feel like I have a fever

Which in my experience, tells me I don't actually have one. Oddly enough though, I have had zero appetite this afternoon/evening and I think I'm going to bed at like midnight. So I probably am getting sick....sigh. I need a freaking break from school and instead of getting one I just decided to flake out on everything tonight and not even attempt to be productive.

Well, I am planning to buy a train ticket to go home the 20th-24th so I suppose that is productive.

Going home got me thinking about high school friends. I am so very disconnected from so many of them because three years after graduation I've put a tremendous distance (physically and otherwise) between me and a lot of them. Sometimes I wish I was still in contact with some people, even though I know that's not realistic. High school people are thrown together and they're stuck there for four years beacuse their parents had the great idea to settle down in Nipomo of all places. College friends are here because they want to be and there are 30,000 potential friends running around campus, so it's a bit more self selecting. I also feel that no matter how close I get to my friends, they will never understand me because they don't know everyone/anyone from my time at NHS. It's pretty ironic, considering I didn't think I liked high school all that much anyways!

Sigh. I guess I'm still looking for someone who gets me and can understand the many, many sides of me...I guess I'm still looking for someone who will never exist.


I downloaded I-Empire today (got tired of going "I will make it down to the record store *tomorrow*") and I think I've found my new airport soundtrack. That is to say, I really like the record despite the fact that it is far from perfect.

I still find it incredibly amazing that there exists a city where your front door is the water and your car is a canoe.

tuesday evening

Yesterday, I stopped by the APASD Mental Health Forum "Silent Battles", which was interesting on so many levels. There were so many things that I could identify partially with, but not wholly because I am not the typical Asian American. Even though my father was born in Japan, I don't consider him to be an immigrant, probably because he identifies as American first and foremost - and that kind of cultural issue often shapes a lot of AA kids' lives.

There were a lot of other points brought up that really got me thinking about my own life, but due to the fact that I ran off to a core meeting and then dance practice, most of the details are fuzzy again. I was reminded of a friend of mine who's had a lot of issues in her life, and realized that she could benefit from a lot of what was going on. I was also shocked to catch myself thinking of things in my past that I'd forgotten about. I kind of want to see a counselor just to see what I'd remember. But for the most part I cope pretty well with my life, and I don't need to rehash all that's happened in my life at this point in time. At any rate, the event was a lot more meaningful than I had expected it to be!

Other side notes:
+hip hop is fun when you actually know what you're doing!
-No offense to my major advisor, but I really wonder why the university pays you to do (or not do) what you do
+VOICES hoodies are here!
-I am getting the "AHHH PANIC!" feeling because I can't possibly fit all of the city planning related courses that I want in now that I'm going abroad. Italy is the chance of a lifetime and in the long run I'd regret not going to Italy A LOT more than not taking those classes, but still....every thing has its flip side.
-I watched last week's greys anatomy and the meredith monologue that shes gives to christina at the end of the episode.....I can totally relate to it. I hope that does not make me whore-y like her, haha.

Cold Feet

Every so often I get cold feet about Italy because there's a lot of things I'm missing out on at Cal, and this is one of them:

CP 290b/190a
Neighborhood Planning with Youth and Schools: The Y– PLAN

Course control #: 13571
Time: Monday 1:00 PM – 4:00 PM and 1 hour/week of teaching at high school site for 10 weeks
Location: Wurster Hall, Rm. 214b
Instructor: Deborah McKoy, PhD debmckoy@berkeley.edu, Wurster Rm. 324

The 2008 Y-PLAN Project: This course is an exciting opportunity to work with local Bay Area policy makers and educational leaders to connect the efforts of regional planners in West Contra Costa County with local high schools in Richmond. Local leaders, including Assemblywoman Loni Hancock, the West Contra Costa County Transportation Advisory Committee (WCCTAC), and city officials in El Cerrito and Richmond, have requested that Y-PLAN assist them in constructing a meaningful role for youth and public schools to transform San Pablo Avenue into a family-friendly, vibrant corridor.

Overview: The Y-PLAN (Youth – Plan, Learn, Act, Now) is an interdisciplinary course and an award winning initiative where students in urban planning, design, education, and other related disciplines learn how to engage youth as genuine stakeholders and participants in local planning projects. After an initial teaching preparation phase, UCB students work side-by-side with high school students for ten weeks teaching them fundamentals of community development by engaging in real world planning projects. Readings and seminar discussions focus on theoretical tools in participatory planning and teaching, complementing the practical application.

UCB students ("mentors") will gain proficiency in:

• Applying core planning principles of community and economic development and land use planning, while emphasizing the mobilization of community and the creation of an informed citizenry
• Mentoring youth in conducting physical, economic, and social analyses of their community
• Teaching and communicating ideas effectively

In this course, UCB students will mentor high school students to:

• Conduct community based research along the San Pablo Avenue Corridor
• Develop a community/regional plan for WCCTAC and local planning processes in El Cerrito and Richmond
• Present a final multimedia proposal to project clients detailing the youth findings and proposals

** No prior city planning experience necessary!**

Requirements:

• Participate in Monday seminar discussions, lesson planning, and project development
  • Work collaboratively in teams to prepare weekly activities by building/modifying existing curriculum
• Fieldwork for one hour/week at regularly scheduled times TBD, based on CP290B student schedules
• Participate in on-line journaling
• Final reflection paper (10 pages)

Questions? Email Ariel Bierbaum, Project Coordinator at arielb@berkeley.edu
http://citiesandschools.berkeley.edu

Human Tetris

I was really annoyed until Annie sent me this tonight:

I'm so not getting this paper done.

"not my job" = not my problem?

Getting saddled with things in organizations that I'm involved in that aren't necessarily part of my duties has been happening a lot lately and my response has been varied. Sometimes I am happy to help someone out, and at other times I want to scream "THAT'S NOT MY JOB!"

If I had more time tonight, I'd ponder all the reasons why I do and don't feel compelled to do other people's jobs, but it basically comes down to this: is someone else supposed to be responsible for this? If yes, why aren't they doing it? If it's because they are completely swamped and haven't been procrastinating, then I'm probably inclined to help. If not, then count me OUT, yo! Another stipulation I tend to add onto things is the amount of advance warning. If i've got less than 12 hours notice...it probably isn't happening.

The nature of the rapport I may have with the person requesting helps a lot too. If you really need help and I like you and you're asking me specifically for help, I'll do everything I can. If you're blaming the whole board or (worse yet) asking someone else to ask me FOR you, however, I don't feel badly turning you down.

The medium in which you approach me helps too. Don't fucking text message me. And don't send a text message that has directions for another person in it. Catch me in person or at a meeting (ie PLAN AHEAD) or PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND CALL ME. Especially if it's something you want me to do "right away"!!!!


I'm busy. You're busy. So don't act like I should be guilty for being busy, or like I MUST have time to do your work just because you don't have the time. I'm not taking studio but I do have numerous commitments!

Sigh. There are a lot of other reasons why I do and don't things and i realize that this rant makes me sound really bitchy and anal retentive but I do believe that there is a certain amount of ettiquite (aka RESPECT) that should be given in these situations...

Good news!

According to my BPSA General Orientation Guide, writing about my experiences in Italy and once I get back will help me cope with "culture shock".

I love how they explain culture shock in great detail (even including a letter from a school psychologist) in this thing, as if we don't know what it is and have never experienced it before. I have mild symptoms EVERY TIME I move back home or back to Berkeley (I usually need 3 weeks).

And um....moving to a city of 100,000, giving up my car, and living in a high rise matchbox with another chick at age 17? Yeah, I might have already experienced a bit of this "culture shock" they speak of.

Semesters are LONG.

That is the basic problem with semesters. I'm doing really well in school (96% on my arch 120 midterm, the highest grade I've ever gotten) and I'm not in the C range for arch 110 (yet). My Italian instructor also commented today that my speaking skills are really good ("why don't you speak up more in class?") and that my analysis of La meglio gioventu` was great..but there is SO MUCH left in terms of school work for the semester =( I need a real breather and I'm not getting one until after December 5th...which seems far away but it'll be here in a flash.

I hope I can keep up...in the mean time I'm gonna attempt to not be lulled into a false sense of security haha.

So that means:
CP 110 Memo 3
Arch 110 Pt. 5
Italian paper (2+ pages)
Italian presentation (15+ minutes - got any suggestions?)
--> will get done in the midst of parties, rallies, meetings, SUPER FUN DAY and city planning tours.

This also means that I gotta take a step back from some things (so far it's been Team HBV and API ICON08.) I have a feeling that this may be resolved for me, because I'm getting left out of a lot of the dialogue in CMI circles (in virtually every external convo I'm not mentioned. Tis a bit frustrating). There's a lot of nitpicking and whatnot going on with that too. Maybe J was right...6 people is too many to coordinate. I think after the decision not to go to UC Regents as a big group in November (which I totally understand), I lost a lot of my direction because coordinating that trip was to be my main responsibility.

So for now, I'm going to concentrate on being a good APAC rep, publicizing for NCS 07 and learning hip hop. I can't do it all and even when I come close, it's not all its cracked up to be.

And for those of you tracking my Italy progress...I spent $28 to fax my housing application to Italy and UOEAP and sent off a bunch of other stuff....only one more form to send!!!!!!

From the Nichi Bei

http://www.nichibeitimes.com/articles/stories.php?subaction=showfull&id=1193354676&archive=&start_from=&ucat=2&

The ADCO Group is proposing a $230 million, 38-story elliptical condominium tower at 1481 Post St., located between Octavia and Gough streets - a white glass structure that would be visible from many parts of the city. In addition to housing, it would also include 6,000 square feet of retail and 5,000 square feet for a "community education center."

The tower would reach 407 feet into the sky, which greatly exceeds the 240 feet allowed by the city's established height limits for the area.

I'd love to see an EIR on this proposed development...sigh. Didn't height limits just get set or at least re-emphasized in 2006 as a part of the SUD stuff?

Crazy different

That's all I can say about the University of Padova at the moment.

60,000 STUDENTS.
>.<

Plus, it's a biking city. "Your university residence should be no more than 20-25 minutes away by bike." Um, that sounds FAR compared to here. I effing hate riding my bike in Berkeley, so I hope it's more bike-friendly than here.

me = scared shitless
but hopefully not paralyzed.


---
random office quote:
"Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean is she hot?" - Andy
"She's crazy hot." - Crete

Update from Nipomo

First, some backlogged things to say:

My 20th birthday was pretty danged awesome. I took a midterm, tabled for the Count Me In! campaign in the rain (twice), was bored to death in Rosa's lecture......ok so after that it is when it was awesome! Some friends and I went shopping in Emeryville and then more met us at Elephant Bar where they lost my reservation and my food was dry, but the drinks were yummy (yay for Annie's nonalcoholic drink recommendations) and the company was even better! I got some spiffy gifts too, like MUFFINS and a lite brite pen. After that I went to dance practice (the end of it) to meet up w/a friend and we went to papamingos (first experience!).




Then on Saturday I had myself my first (and probably last) party. It was a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but I am not the setting up and cleaning up and hosting people type of gal...it happens not so often. Major props go to my roomie for dealing w/everything, being 21, and cleaning up when I was feeling like SHIT (I know I didn't have it that bad but seriously next time...can I have fun WITHOUT throwing up? I know that it is totally do-able.) At any rate it was good to see people and chill and to see some friends from out of town (SJ and SF specifically).





After that the world lit on fire, school turned into a MAJOR bitch, and I still haven't caught up on anything...but that's ok. Or at least, I'm dealing!

Back to THIS weekend:

My neighbor went home for her birthday so she gave me a ride! Mama bear and papa bear are in tahoe for my uncle's birthday so it's just the two of us. I got a little car-sick on the way home but it was very mild, just this headache that wouldn't go away till I got out of the car (wierd huh). I went to Santa Maria and picked up fabric for thursday's rally (quite the steal - $5.98/yd, a lot less than what everything else was going for), then went to the store and picked up a bunch of salad stuff cause I felt like cooking. Then I came home to an empty house. 2000+ square feet of empty house is WIERD, let me tell you. Staying by myself wasn't as wierd/scary as it seemed when I was 17, but it is just a lot of space. I'm freezing because the rooms are giant and I would feel bad turning on the heater just for me...ha ha. My sis came home around 10 (after cheering) and we had an uneventful evening.

This morning a good friend came over and we ate breakfast and then my sis and I went to Cambria to THE TEA COZY!!!!! It is officially my favorite tourist spot in the county (besides grover beach). I ate WAY too much as always - mushroom bisque, a sausage roll thing, the chutney + cheese tea sandwich, bread, and Victoria's sandwich (a dessert that has devon cream in it that the owner/waiter called "eating a cloud"). For those that are curious, we had the Autumn tea because my sister didn't know what the hell kind of tea to pick and I liked it last time (though, summer pudding is still my fave). I bought tea to take back to berkeley with me and then we drove around cambria a bit and found a really cool cemetary way up in the trees. I totally would rather be buried there than in a formal one....it'd be more fun for people to visit my grave there!!

Driving back through Cayucos, it started raining...and it didn't stop the further we drove =( I always seem to come home when the weather is SHIT...but later driving around in the rain was kind of fun. Sister and I went to Old Navy and I bought $10 shoes (annie style shoes haha), then stopped by the aforementioned friend's mom's coffee house, then went home. I dropped my sister at home and then went to dinner at McCLINTOCK'S cause even though lunch made me full I REALLY LIKE THE BEANS! (I wonder if Risa reads this?) It was good to see one of my close friends cause I haven't seen her since...July? Wow, a LOOONG time. I also saw a guy I went to high school with who works there (wish I could have caught up with him after work but he went to SB tonight) and a girl I golfed with (daaaang I can't believe she graduated!). Instead of going to target w/the sis afterwards I just decided to sit around and then watch Old School, cause it was dark outside and i was hella cold and sitting sounded nice.

After writing this whole thing, my time at home seems very busy but it was actually very relaxing because i haven't been doing homework, and i've been driving along the ocean and I haven't been sitting in traffic...so driving has been nice =)

Now I'm going to do my homework? My housing application for when I go to Italy? Watch THE OFFICE? Fall asleep? We'll see...

Midterms update

For those of you that care, I scored an A on my city planning midterm...still waiting to hear back on 120 (I'm thinking another A), and an 85 on Italian.

If I wasn't three days late on my arch 110 project, I'd be heading toward at least a 3.8 this semester...but alas the time I spend on outside commitments have gotten in the way.

I should really finish my prject, its due at 3!

Hating Helplessness

First off, I had an amazing birthday. More on that this weekend when I have time to talk about it.


Something I can't get off my mind is all the fires in San Diego & the LA area. One is in Castaic, not too far from my great grandfather's place, but luckily the winds are actually blowing AWAY from his place (and into, I think, Santa Clarita area....bad news).

I have a lot of friends in, from, or with family in San Diego and I'm worried and sad over all of them. Hearing news reports and seeing houses on fire is really heart breaking, and to know that my friends are in pain and in danger has rendered me powerless in all other aspects of my life.

I'm trying to take control of my academic life again (this week has been kind of a fuck-up week in school) because I DO have control over that...but in doing so it makes the feeling of helplessness that much worse. That's one thing I always struggle with from time to time in school: how is a PAPER helping people who need help right now? When my family is going through a crisis, they've always assured me that those papers are important, but I know that sometimes that's not true - they just don't want me to worry and they want me to succeed (plus they made a huge investment in this whole college thing).

So when I went to office hours yesterday and got berated for not having something done, I almost broke down crying due to my frustration with my GSI and the devastation that's happening. I never used to be one of those people who were so moved by natural disasters hundreds or thousands of miles away, but this time it's different...this time I'm different.

One day I'll write about how I had a wonderful day

Because really I do have them (or at least wonderful moments) from time to time! But right now is not one of those times, because I don't know how to begin to study for my two midterms. I'm basically procrastinating right now =) There is no reason for me not to get at least a B+ on the CP 110 midterm (I love generous curves) and there isn't a whooooooole lot of 120 material covered so it shouldn't be a big deal. However, I didn't start studying until this afternoon...bad idea.

Last night I told a friend that I'm going to have a birthday party next week, and his response was "good. you deserve it." It struck me as really odd, and I'm not sure why. I've been working hard and driving myself crazy, and yeah, I guess I do deserve a break. But to me, a break is something like going down to the beach by myself, or visiting the country, or going to a movie...something that takes me away from all reality because it's better/prettier than reality. Maybe that's why some things don't live up to my expectations. At any rate, I don't know if I deserve a birthday party, but I'm really looking forward to a good time with my friends, because really without things like that, what's life for anyways?

Support Los Angeles' Little Tokyo!

A lot has been going on in my life this week and hopefully I'll update on that in a different post, but here's something that I think y'all should know about.
--
Several recent property transactions have put the future of Los Angeles' Little Tokyo in jeopardy. Japanese Village Plaza was sold to American Commercial Equities in late July, and on August 17, the New Otani Hotel and Weller Court Shopping Mall were bought by 3D Investments—the SAME company that bought the large chunk of San Francisco J-Town from Kintetsu Enterprises last year.

While neither of these companies are inherently bad, it is also clear that neither company has a strong tie to Little Tokyo. With only three Japantowns remaining, there exists a critical need to maintain Little Tokyo as an important historic cultural neighborhood. When a company decides to purchase a main commercial and gathering area of Little Tokyo, they should also take the initiative to develop the properties in a responsible manner with community input.

Little Tokyo community members have a history of being actively involved with the changes in Little Tokyo, and we are proud of our community's achievements. It's time again to make our voices clear - Little Tokyo is our home. Little Tokyo is our history. Little Tokyois our future. And the people who share that home should have a say in what happens to it.

If you feel similarly, we would urge you to take the following action:

1) Sign the following petition.
http://www.petitiononline.com/jtv1/petition.html Doing so will send a message to 3D Investments and American Commercial Equities that they can not buy and develop land in our neighborhood without taking into consideration the wants and needs of the existing community. Further, it will also ensure that the Kajima Corporation is held responsible for their secretive sale to 3D Investments. Although their transaction may be completed, they have not heard the end of this from the Little Tokyo community. Third, it will reinforce to Jan Perry (Little Tokyo's City Councilwoman)that there is broad support to maintain active community involvement in determining the future of Little Tokyo. Finally, it will put current property owners and potential buyers on notice that our community is organized and not afraid to take action to ensure that they act responsibly and remain sensitive to the historic and cultural importance of Little Tokyo.


---

Little Tokyo is one of THREE Japantowns left in the United States, and the only one located in Southern California. At one point there were over 40 in California. Now we're reduced to little corners here and there, and I don't see why we as a community can't keep what's left. That being said, just complaining lamenting over the loss of our community is not the answer, and I hope that this petition will allow the JA community to have an active voice in what I hope to be a collaborative process.

It makes me really sad to know that cultural centers can be bought and sold without a thought to the community that established it. As an Arch/Planning student, I urge you to sign this petition as a sign of commitment to thoughtful and inclusive planning.

feeling fatally idealistic

This morning in Arch 110AC section, a student posed a question in response to a reading assignment on Democracy and Race. He asked if we thought racism still exists in today's society. I nodded vigorously for a few seconds and then I had to stop, because I was absolutely floored. Nobody else seemed to agree with me. Only one person offered up an everyday example, and everyone else just kind of sat there, as if to say "well why even bother asking this question, because it clearly doesn't exist". And it's not like I was sitting in a class full of priveledged non-minorities, either.

Now maybe everyone was just half-asleep because it was a Monday morning class, but I was definitely met with a lot of blank stares. I wanted to say something to express the shock I was feeling over their lack of acknowledgment of modern racism, but I was so worked up over the whole thing that I couldn't even find the words to express myself in a respectful, appropriate-for-class manner.

On days like these it's hard for me to continue to believe in the feasible possibility of minority rights, of social and environmental equality, in the idea that poor people, for example, shouldn't have to be relegated to dilapidated neighborhoods. ESPECIALLY after something that happened at ncs yesterday, it's becoming clear that even at the best public university in the nation, racism and discrimination is deeply entrenched in our culture. And sometimes, I don't know if I have what it takes to surmount the institutional machines that enable it.

To top it all off, my Sanuks finally broke in the middle of class (I had to steal tape from a studio to put it back together) and last night I had a dream that my father was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

Life can really get me down sometimes.

Pronoun-less

Last night I came to the realization that if you can't call people by their names and you can't utter any pronouns, it's a hell of a lot easier to speak in Italian. Too bad nobody I was with understood a damn word of Italian...

silly tv

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. I kind of hate it. It makes me all emo.

Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.


and sometimes, change is everything.

Sometimes.

Just stab me, why don't you?
Good thing Michael Vartan is hot HAHA.

Busy busy college time

I had two nights this week in which I slept for less than five hours, because I had 2 papers due, a project, hip-hop twice a week, campaign meetings, core, other meetings, and other life-issues. I'm also getting sick =(

Anyways. Today was pretty much the weekend since I only went to one hour of class, yay! I scrapbooked which was fun. Colleen made us dinner tonight and it was gooooood food. And also something my mom would have made. Soul food yaa!! Dinner and chilling with good friends was much needed....relaxing and I didn't have to rush off to something else.

And that's basically the whole point of this post, because it's good to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. *huggles* at all those who are like my (very loud) family and my warm and fuzzy blanket.

The Italian Saga Begins

Forreals, yo!

Yesterday I received my paperwork for my study abroad stuff...to say the least, it is going to be one major pain in the ass. I don't like the EAP website very much, plus I have to go find all these documents that I don't have and get a bunch of shit notarized...ugh. It's another thing (and by thing, I mean fifty things) to add to the list of things I have to get done, which is starting to crush me. Or whatever comes right before crushing. I know my stress hormone levels are going to be elevated until after I get my visa stuff cleared out of the way in a month =(

Then there's the prospect of going about how to live in another country. I need a bunch of shit (I'll classify it all as "travel equiptment") which I can't afford IN ADDITION to the whole social/cultural/linguistic stuff I've been trying to prepare myself with. The whole process makes my head spin just thinking about it...but man I'd kick myself for the rest of my life if I gave up this opportunity.

---
In other things of recent, my buddy group hosted its first "buddy event" last night. I got to cook (I like to cook but I rarely cook good food because it's difficult to cook for one...plus it takes time) and get to know people and hang out in a chill environment. I think that's what I miss most about my recently graduated friends, just hanging out and having one hell of a time. All the orgs and school stuff I'm running around doing are important and fun and interesting, but de-stressing they are not....

Today it was all rainy and gray in the morning (the rain abated in the afternoon) and it's the first day of fall so the poetic whateveritscalled was not lost on me. I didn't really mind it too much though, because as I was walking home with my buzzed friend, the sunset was coming through over the bay. Something about looking west and seeing absolute beauty shine through the clouds, and looking east and seeing the world look dark and menacing but framed in the vibrant reflection of the sun...it's as close to spiritual euphoria as I get. The ephemeral quality probably has a lot to do with it, but at the same time it makes it difficult for me to share that feeling with anyone...which is what I desperately want to do. This is why I can never properly explain how I can claim to love being near the ocean and the beach and the California landscape so much, and yet I don't surf and I don't go hiking and things like that...

This isn't from tonight - I actually took it two years ago from my dorm window - but I didn't have my camera with me today. This was actually on my photobucket site, which I probably haven't looked at since 2005...let's just say there are some memories on there. Some of them are heartbreaking - everyone seems so much more distant now.

Un po' triste

I'm sort of bummed beceause I missed my opportunity to participate in my first ever rally/protest at Berkeley today. I did, however, wear green to show my support and solidarity for the Jena 6.

If you don't know who the Jena 6 are, google it or read about it here.

There was a rally and a march around campus and the surrounding area, but I had class from noon to 3:30 so I missed it. Ironically in Italian we discussed social issues such as the state of American public education, racism, and poverty. I really would have liked to have gone, to show my support for the 6 and for the black community as a whole! I've encountered what I considered to be blatant racism several times in my lifetime, but nothing as serious (and shocking) as this. It makes me sad to know that these things still happen in America and all over the world. Living in California, it's easier to forget about these kinds of things...

sigh.

Love will come through, it's just waiting for you

That's the song I've got on itunes right now. anyways, random things from today:

My restless cruise-ship waitressing bffl from high school called me today! I was so excited to hear her voice that I was totally walking down Telegraph with this HUGE grin on my face, you would have thought that I was insane if you knew me. We've decided to meet up in Venice this spring and eat lunch together in Italy.

My mother also called me today, I'm not sure why.

In the same vein, I called and talked to my father...to tell him how I bought $5.50 worth of the hippie organic coop produce (same thing would have cost $12 easily at Andronico's) and then proceeded to walk into GBC and buy fries and chicken strips, an illustration of the walking contradictions I live with on a daily basis.

Some random guy that I've never seen before passed me on the street today and to make a long story short it reminded me that the past is never in the past. It's not static, dead (and hopefully not forgotten). It's dynamic and it goes with me everywhere.

I had to read aloud for a hella long time in Italian today, and I don't think I screwed it up so badly. That was exciting for me...

I've been having massive headaches lately, and today is no exception. My energy levels have been exceptionally low as of late also =( I don't know why, either...my emotional energy is high and I'm really excited to be doing things with NSU, APAC, AIAS, Habitat and Reach....but I do know it's far to early in the term to be burning out on school, which scares me. I don't want to quit anything, because I know next semester I'm going to miss it SO MUCH...sometimes I think I still need my mom around to take care of me and tell me what to do. Sigh.

Everything's Magic

I had my reservations about much of the retreat that I went on this weekend. This is what wrote on Friday: I feel so lost in this scene. It's not that I'm old; but the energy and motivation and initiative does seem to be lacking. And for some reason, I don't have anything, no voice trying to get out, to add to it. There weren't many returning people and I was there on Friday thinking DAMN...all the OG's are gone. Everyone is so young, so quiet...well, not everyone. One of the facilitators is quite loud actually, and the yelling (Victorian mansions are not known for their acoustics, I don't think) was killing me. But mostly, I initially felt out of place, and not because I was shy or didn't know what to say or think or do like in January.

And I guess I thought that my relationships with my old friends are why I got involved in the first place. Luckily, it wasn't the ONLY reason and I've also come to like the game "mafia". Previously I thought it was long (which it is) and the idea of lying about stupid things (if you've pulled the mafia card), or accusing people of things with no real basis...they were not so appealing. And like wtf. It doesn't seem very Siciliano to me. Then, you know...I win. And it's fun. And pretty soon someone's reminding us that it's "just a game"! HAHA.

Aside from my thoughts on the architecture of the place we had our retreat in (Center for Third World Organization), here are a few thoughts:

• At one point, I felt like the pill orgs were dominating the dialogue. However, I don't really think they plan to take over or anything...I think it came down to the fact that there were just a lot of QUIET people. Later on it was revealed that everyone really does have something to contribute, and I was much relieved.
• I am easily annoyed by close-talkers.
  
• I wish I could be around for the API Issues Conference in the spring =(
• I really hope that APAC is able to contribute in the Count Me In! Campaign. I first heard about it at the JACL conference because the Pacific Citizen covered it...speaking of campaigns...I met someone who is pretty experienced in political inner workings, and both his breadth of knowledge and his ability to explain things in a clear manner really made politics and government seem....interesting. And dynamic, and like people could actually participate in it. So refreshing compared to my CP lectures.
• On a related note, conversation and talking about all these complicated issues is something that I don't do often enough. And it's what I want to see more of in coalition meetings. Education is, in many instances, the first step toward change =)
  
• Q&A led a workshop of sorts and the stories people shared were intimate and intense, and I cannot thank any of the speakers enough. Nobody talks about these issues with me, and I always feel like people are leading double lives by leaving that part of themselves out of the general discourse. One person spoke about things and I swear I could listen to him go on for days. I like storytellers, even when the stories are not so happy. I don't think he'll ever know quite how much he struck a chord within me, even though we are by and large two very different people.
• If nothing else, there were some specific people that I really, for lack of a better word, "connected" with. That's the beauty of this coalition...I'm meeting people I'd never otherwise meet, from places and perspectives I'd never otherwise even hear of...and isn't that what college is for?!?
  

I was a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn't able to attend INC or AAoB this weekend, but all in all the retreat I did go on was just what I needed. I can't wait to affect some positive changes! If only I was this excited over Arch 110AC work....sigh.

Can We Chill

This week has been really stressful, probably because I stress out too easily over things. Trying to chill the frick out, but school + clubs + doing things like laundry have been A LOT lately and all the stress has been making me more tired, it's been giving me aches and pains, not to mention the occasional panic attack. I am going to try and work on TRUST and BONDING with the officers in the org that's giving me the most stress though, because I need to feel like I'm working w/people that have my back. I realized this because that's what NSU is to me. I was kind of bummed about a few things going on in NSU (or rather things not going on) but tonight I realized all over again why I do it all, and why I'm probably going to be out till 11:30 at least one night a week for them.

LOVE.

And the support and awesomeness that goes along with it.

---
December 2nd, 2007
UCB NSU's 5th Annual Nikkei Culture Show

save the date! cause you'll be hearing a lot about it from now on.

competition

I've always known I didn't really like competition. In high school, I played sports I was really bad at and had no chance at dominating; and in school I lucked out and didn't really have to try too hard to compete with my classmates. Coming into Berkeley, I had low expectations - no A's, but hopefully no C's either. I have no clue what the average GPA is within my major, but I think it's pretty safe to say I'm pretty average.

There's something in me that always says I can be more though. That's how I find myself, time and time again, in leadership positions, even though I didn't set out to change the world. I could go into that, especially in terms of APAC, but suffice to say...I like to get involved in things. It's largely social - we all need to establish our base of friends and social contacts and establish our own communities in college and in life. And that's whats cool about a place like Berkeley - there's an organization for everything.

However, the nature of diversity and student organizations takes a nasty turn sometimes. There are three architecture organizations on campus, and they all have distinct goals. I'm involved in one of them, and I find myself questioning if I share those goals time and time again...mostly because of communication and because I have high expectations in terms of being organized. That being said, I still stand by the organization. I think one of the other orgs has honorable goals and intentions (and unfortunately they meet at the same time as REACH!), but the third one...I don't get it. I see their flyers posted on the wall right next to ours, in the same color scheme and everything. It's a clear attempt to draw comparisons between the two. Supposedly if I were to want to join, I wouldn't be allowed because I'm in this other organization.

This is really general because I don't want to get into specifics, but suffice to say...all three of these groups compete against each other and for members. All three claim to have at least some component based on friendship, fun, and a break from studio. Studio (and many aspects of the practice of architecture) is SO competitive. Why be competitive outside of studio and in our social lives too?

Gah. If these are who my colleagues and fellow professionals are going to be once I graduate, then I think I've picked the wrong profession. I've got confidence in my work and I can stand up for myself and give credit where it's due, and I know that I'm fully capable of finding a job and being GOOD at my job when I graduate. But as my father said my personality is like water, and I choose the path of least resistance that still gets me to my goal. The constant underhanded and petty competitions, the politicking, the animosity...it's not what I want.

Anxiously Energized

A-P-A-C! APAC!

....we've got you're back!

The first APAC meeting of this semester was fun and I'm excited for next week's summit. It was an odd feeling to once again realize that some of the great leaders in APAC and NSU are gone though...Mississippi, Japan, and one on a boat...sigh. Even just people from my year that have different commitments - I miss them. I'm going to the summit with someone else from NSU, but for the first time I'm going to be the "veteran" and I need to be knowledgeable about my org - people will be looking to me for once. Knowing this, I don't know if I'll be able to relax and just be sociable as I want to, especially since I have a large portion of my ethnography project due the day after I get back.

This week is going to be hellish, something tells me I'm not going to sleep much tonight, Wednesday night, and especially not on Thursday night...sadfaces (like my burnt cookies) indeed.

(I made cookies today and I accidentally burnt them and set off my smoke detector. Its LOUD.)

Twice in SF in as many weeks

Yeah, definitely getting close to a record for me. When I'm in school I don't often go to San Francisco and I take BART to get there even less - up until this year, anyways. (I freakin miss Chris' red Honda...)

At any rate, I made a trip to Daly City tonight to catch a high school friend who was in from out of town. I kind of regret going, and it's not because I had to take Bart/AC Transit back by myself at night, though that did tick off a couple of other people I know. It's partly because I was left out of the loop on the whole decision-making process, meaning I ended up going MUCH later than I thought. Also, while on my way there I saw something that caught me off-guard and made my heart stop a little.

And to top it all off, the one person I wanted to talk to wasn't around when I finally did get home.

On the flip side, I finished my Arch 110 reading for the week. Now I only have like 12 summaries (wtf are we in high school again?), a couple hundred pages of reading for CP 110 and Arch 120, a paper proposal, a chapter of grammar exercises, and a bunch of Italian reading to do...

12.5 percent

Week two of school has finished, which technically means I'm 12.5 percent done with the semester. In many regards, it feels like school has just started (I just dropped a class and bought my last textbooks today), but in many others I'm already busy and bogged down with school. Take tonight for instance; I did a couple of mundane and mindless things, started reading about environmental psychology, and fell asleep at 5:30pm. I woke up and continued reading about how living in cities throws tons of stimuli that affects us in seemingly odd but consistent ways, which I couldn't help but agree with. The point of this illustration, however, is the fact that it is a Friday evening and I'm sitting here reading for a course on Social and Cultural Processes in Design, rather than doing anything else that resembles the stereotypical college experience.

What's odd is I almost like what I'm reading this semester. Despite some ridiculousness about chairs, both my Arch 110AC and my CP 110 readings have been engaging and illustrative thus far. I'm excited about both of my term project/papers in both of these classes, and my GSI's are enthusiastic, knowledgeable, and personable. I have those 'intellectual' thoughts and conversations that you see those kids at the ivys and shit in movies having on a pretty regular basis nowadays.

My italian instructor is a wonderful woman, though the class is a bit of work. The section is small - 12 people - and normally I would like that but there are a few European students who talk ENDLESSLY and monopolize the conversation in the class. It makes it difficult for me to practice my oral skills. One of them is always questioning grammar (dude I think the teacher is an expert - she was freakin born and raised there and has been teaching for a while) and all of them criticize Americans and American ways. Sometimes I want to ask them why they are here if everything is much more screwed up here, but I've been able to hold my tongue thus far. I suppose it helps that two of them are molto carino...

My last class, Arch 120, is about professional practice. I don't like the lectures and the readings for the most part (some of it is redundant; much of it seems inapplicable), but I'm relieved to find that Mr. FAIA does not just present one view on licensing, education, and practice. What does make me LQTM every time is his tendency to yell at a student to TURN OFF THEIR PHONE RIGHT NOW because he thinks someone's phone is ringing...but actually it's the Windows startup sound that happens when you turn on your computer. He's still really intimidating when he's yelling though...I would sooo not want to be his kid.

One thing I will say this class did for me, it made me realize that in terms of education, I don't have any compelling reasons as to why I'd want to enter a graduate program in architecture, other than the fact that you need to get an accredited degree (read: mArch) in order to become a licensed architect. That's a very important reason, but it's pretty much a given and not all that compelling to admissions officers. I love working in the profession, but the idea of 2-3 years of studios, GSI-ing, and writing a thesis...they dont appeal to me at all. I don't think I'll know everything I need to know once I graduate Cal, but I'll have my critical thinking and problem solving skills, and in an apprentice-based profession, the rest of the things I'll need to know can be learned best as an intern architect.

Furthermore, when I think about all the things I want to look into, research, and examine in terms of city and regional planning...well I apologize to various friends, because I've already gone on about it for hours. There are so many communities that are mis- or under-represented, forgotten about, and abused. So many issues and flaws to be addressed - though probably never "fixed" completely. I think my background - specifically, being raised in two different unincorporated townships - combined with my architectural interests, have suited me toward the issues of regional planning.

I told this to my mother and she seemed receptive to the idea of me going to planning school; then again, she isn't shelling out the $80k+ to do it, either. I fear my father won't like it as much; he's tremendously proud of me (something I've only realized fairly recently), and being an "architect" carries a certain degree of respect and prestige. Studying city and regional planning can lead to a myriad of professions (in reality, architecture does too, but nobody outside the field notices), none of which are famous in greater society (and especially not in produce-farming circles). I'm not sure if its him or if it's projected expectations I've put on myself, but after having noticed that he puts his faith and dreams into his daughters, I obviously want to do something that he can understand and makes him feel like his $90,000/extra mortgages/loans/tractors (yes he sold some, including the real one) were worthwhile. This, of course, is fairly irrational because he's always supported the decisions I've made (remember the NHS basketball fiasco?)

One thing that is annoying about CP is the relative lack of power that municipal planners have. I can see it being frustrating - you have all this training and expertise, and the politicians looking for votes and the developers looking for money and the short-sighted/ill-informed citizens are the ones who ultimately decide what is best. As an architect, you probably have more direct (and certainly physical) influence on how people live and conduct their lives. One last thing that casts doubt on my ability to utilize a master's in City and Regional Planning is the political aspects of the profession. My personality is, by nature, to avoid direct confrontation. I rubberneck just as much as the next guy ("I was in the kitchen cleaning a dish, i was really cleaning, and I heard it so I came out. What? Shoes? No, no, fuck shoes!"), but I don't like to be in the line of fire. I wouldn't really be in the fight, but being surrounded by a bunch of bickering people and groups could get exhausting after a while. Maybe I feel like this because I've been reading on environmental psychology and stress/stimulus all evening though...who knows.

Brief update on things outside of class:
Tues: Reach! API Recruitment & Retention Center meeting. I don't think I can intern for them and a lot of their programs happen in the spring...but I'm definitely going to be supporting them.
Wed: NSU first general meeting. I'm the APAC rep. I'm freakin excited for Culture Show. Meeting freshmen was a little wierd and CTJ's LOUDNESS was absent, but the meeting was overall fun. Yakisoba (homemade) = YUM. I met a kid I used to live down the street from, he looks kind of like my friend's boyfriend. I think it's the hapa thing.
I also had an unexpected visitor from out of town. It freakin made my week.
Thurs: AIAS first general meeting. Went pretty well, and I'm learning how to chill the fuck out.
Next week: APAC meeting, SASC, Hip-hop practice, more AIAS, and the APAC leadership summit.

And I actually wonder how come I can't find anyone that I want to date that wants to date me back. From a time-management standpoint...I'm beginning to see why I'm not so attractive. =(

L'Isola degli sfigati

unfinished summer

time and space...what are they?
It seemed as if both were forgotten
And everything before felt a mistake
This, this is right...now.
But when i woke you had nothing to say
So we wasted the day, avoiding it all
And before I knew it you were gone

I came for closure but left with wounds wide open
Needed answers but only found questions
For such a talented writer, how can you be so quiet?
It makes me feel foolish, to think that I'm just ink for your pen
I wish I didn't believe in you so much
I wish you saw your potential for yourself

Weeks spent, forgetting
Drunken nights and attempts at distraction
Oh god, it's year two all over again
Your memory was everywhere I looked
On the ocean and in my headphones
Even in places you'd never be caught

Don't you see, you're the distraction
It catches me in concrete and in sunshine
I can't get around it, don't spose I ever will
This silence keeps things open
We need a firey explosion
Not this slow drowning in the murky ocean
Decimation instead of desertion

You've done things I didn't understand
Months go by and I'd slowly comprehend
So do this for me now
Fix it all
There's no guilt and no tears
Just a pit of loneliness and misunderstanding
A silly girl, shattered and loosely held together

Watching you sink from afar
I worry and want that much more
Falling into the same mistakes
This dream will never end
Looping over and over again

This isn't the only thing I'd like to see clarified
God knows this metropolis is even foggier than the one I left behind
But nothing else has done this to me
Everything here is a mistake that I make
An unwillingness to progress
Lest I leave your possibility

So take my time and take my space
It doesn't help me anyways